You are SO into each other! So much so that you’ve made a life together and thrown some little people in the mix for good measure! They’re beautiful, amazing kids…who are totally harshing your sex buzz. Been there, done that. Or more accurately: am there, doing that. I certainly haven’t found the secret of living with a young child AND maintaining a rigorous schedule of hot monkey sexin’. But The Man of Mans and I have managed to be co-parents and sex partners and sometimes we manage to do both on the same day.
Here are five strategies that have worked for us and might work for you too.
1. Masturbate – It’s Okay.
No really. It is! I admit that sometimes I feel a little…weird about it. I mean, here I have a perfectly sexypants partner within touching distance and here I am going to town on myself. But here’s my deal. Sometimes libido is about the desire to connect with my husband in an intimate and naked way. But sometimes it’s because my nethers are aflame and about to burst of my pantaloons! Meanwhile, it’s midnight on a day that started at 5 a.m. and the only propect that excites The MoMs is a big fluffy pillow. Yes I could try to goad him into sleepy, grudging sex, but there are time when it’s easier and ultimately everyone will be happier if I rub one out and hit the sack
A quick note to sleepy partners everywhere. Sleep is important, so if your body’s asking for it, that’s what you should do. But if you’re up for it, maybe pop open your PJs to expose your lover’s favourite naughty bit before you nod off. A little masturbatory inspiration goes a long way!
2. Express It. Don’t Expect It.
As a working parent, some days get very, very busy and I become very, very overwhelmed. By the time The Bean is tucked away for the night and the last item on my to-do list is crossed off, I barely feel human, let alone like a human with functioning sex parts. By now, The Man of Mans has a keen sense of when “do not enter” vibes are emanating from my vagina. But he says awesome stuff like, “I know you’re not for sex right now and that’s cool. I just want you to know that you give me the feelings.”
I’ve run myself ragged and to the world-at-large I have all the sex appeal of a mop. But a partner who’s still warm for my form AND chill about letting me veg out while watching So You Think You Can Dance? That’s hot!
3. Non-Sexual Touching
You know those obnoxious snuggly couples who hold hands all the time and sit on each other’s laps? You need to cut them some slack, jack – especially if they have kids! Physical contact promotes intimacy, affection, trust and all kinds of positive feelies. Those good feelings help counter the some of the less wonderful side effects of parenting, which may include frustration, confusion, guilt, frustration, worry, shock and frustration. Believe me – that icky, schmoopy cuddly stuff is the glue that holding my relationship together!
Sometimes if The MoMs gone awhile without sex, I’ll decide enough is enough! Being a mother and being a sexually viable human being are not mutually exclusive and tonight I’m gonna get me some! But sometimes, even when my mind is willing, my body is weaksauce and I can’t quite jump start my arousal. And yes there’s the whole lovely candles, wine, gentle kisses, blah, blah, romance novel seduction, but The MoMs and gotta get up early and get The Green Bean off to school. Also? I’m clumsy and likely to knock over the candles, thus burning the house down.
Porn is a quick, reliable way to get turned on. Watching my favourite scene from Debbie Does Dallas makes Nadine want the sex now. Not everyone is comfortable with porn, which is cool. But for those parents that don’t oppose the injection of a little erotica, remember that in addition to film, there are novels, short stories, comics and I think you can get porn on the Internet now too.
5. Lube and Toys
Similar to porn, a good slick lube and a reliable sex toy are both excellent tools for the busy parent who needs a quick and efficient orgasm. Like many people I keep my collection lube and battery-powered sex-ccessories in the nightstand. This makes for easy night time access and quick, convenient clean-up once the deed is done. As the parent of a young child, I only have about 90 seconds before the post-coital sedation renders me unconscious. I don’t want The Green Bean to come in and find my Liv lying around the bedroom the next morning. I’m not ready to field those questions yet.