In honour of Masturbation May, this month’s selection of Quickies will feature tidbits related to one of the greatest forms of pleasure – self pleasure!

Studies indicate that approximately 63% of North Americans masturbate on a daily basis, for an average of 12 minutes per session. That’s at least 58.7 million person-hours of downstairs shenanigans every day!

Talk about time well spent!

image courtesy of interestingideas.com

Although technically masturbation isn’t a thing. Like all sex, it’s an activity. And I do have me some fun at the activity centre!

I love masturbation! I love it in concept. I head-over-heels, swoontastically love it in practice. I’ve got it BAD for my hands, yo. And my toys. And a few specific household items.

I’ve been wanking for a long time. So long I don’t remember a time when I *didn’t* masturbate. So when I tell that masturbation is made of awesome, I’m speaking from lots of experience. Don’t believe me? Just consider the following benefits:

1. No one ever masturbates and thinks ‘Dang! That was the worst part of my day!

2. It’s 4:00 p.m. You’ve just come home from work. The kids will be home from soccer at any minute, you still have to make dinner and you’re horny as hell.  Ping! Try mastubation – for a quick and healthy fix.

3. Masturbation is the thrill of exploration in the comfort of your own home.

4. Masturbation releases endorphins, which relax the muscles. Try it as part of your post-workout routine.

5. Masturbation releases endorphins, which provide pain relief. Try it the next time you have a headache.

6. Yearning for frisky times with someone who isn’t your long-term, monogamous partner? Don’t want to negotiate an open relationship? Infidelity not your style? Fondle your sexy parts and enjoy a hot, fantasy tryst, courtesy of masturbation!

6. How hard is it to convince you to have sex with you?

7. Granting your partner’s request to watch you masturbate triples your chances of getting applause.

8. It’s 1:00 a.m. You’re still tossing and turning and you’ve got that big presentation in the morning. Try masturbation: a safe, natural sedative!

9. Mastubating can reduce the risk of cervical infection and prostate cancer. Three cheers for healthy nethers!

10. Some flexible folk can masturbate orally! Even if you’re not one of the lucky few who can get your tongue to your promise land, you can see videos of it online. Trust me – that shit’s pretty cool.

In conclusion, masturbation rules. So when this work-a-day world has gotcha down, get a hold of yourself – literally and take a few moments for some self-stimulation!

Image via MichaelThanley.com

A reader brough my attention to an article that ran in a recent issue of The Globe and Mail.  The headline: FALLING ASLEEP AFTER SEX INCREASES THE DESIRE FOR CUDDLING.

That’s right! There’s a new sex-study  in town from U of Michigan that suggests falling asleep after having sex with your partner may speak volumes about your relationship intimacy.

I tend to take media summaries of academic studies with a grain of salt. Articles like the G & M piece can make for cool jumping off points, but my inner cynic always reminds me that researchers are looking for press and the press is looking for an audience.  That means repurposing results and using them to create a snazzy headline, followed by an easily digested story.

And really I can’t fault the authors this study. The G & M story did peak my curiosity enough that I went looking for the original study. It’s an interesting read. The hypotheis of the study is basically this: A person with a partner who to tends to fall asleep first has a greater desire for bonding (“Wake up, yo! I wants ta’ cuddle and rap atcha ’bout my feelingz!).

Also? Men are more likely to fall asleep first.

The study does show some correlation between the dozy partner and need for bonding. Although the research pool is a pretty narrow sample of university students from two midwestern schools. Nothin’ but love for researchers Daniel Kruger and Susan Hughes. I suspect that funding for sex research in middle America is scarce. Academics gotta make due with what they have.

Kruger and Hughes are able to draw any definite conclusions from their research. Post-sex sleepiness may come as a result of any number of things – body chemistry, emotional factors, intimacy…and let’s not discount the fact that a lot of people get on each at night when they’re most likely to be tired anyway.

This got me thinking about my own tendency to conk out seconds after the lovin’s done. One segment of the Kruger/Hughes study theorized that hasty sleep may be an unconscious mechanism that allow partners to avoid awkward or intense relationship conversations.

Hmmm. Is my subconscious all,”Crap! I hope this person I’ve been committed to for sixteen years doesn’t ask me where I think this relationship is going! ZZZZZZZZZ!”

Somehow, I doubt it.

I do wonder; however, if it’s related to my long-time habit of nighttime masturbation. Like a lot of kids I started wanking a fairly young age, as a self-comfort thing when I was falling asleep. Again love for my parents who never tried to shame or otherwise dissuade me from privately enjoying  my own body. Wanking at bedtime always made me super-dozy and I’d usually be sound asleep within a couple minutes.

The fact that I’m typically super-tired after partner sex seems less like an avoidance mechanism and more like finely-honed Pavlovian response. Which makes me wonder about other post-sex sleepers.  For example, Kruger and Hughes’ work supports the stereotype that men are more likely to conk out first after doing it? Is it because guys want to avoid “The Talk”? Perhaps. Could it also have something to do with the fact that young guys tend to masturbate more frequently than young girls? Who knows

If I had a million dollars -or several – I’d commission team Kruger/Hughes to do an even bigger, more exhaustive study (no pun) intended on sex and sleep that included data from long-term self-servicers like myself.  I can see the headlines now: BETTER LIVING (AND SLEEP) THROUGH MASTUBATION

Would you read that article? Do you like to cuddle and bond with partner after sex or are you a roll over and turn out the lights type of lover? Do you have any research dollaz for ourU of M peeps?  Lemme know in the comments!