Your vulva is too hairy. And saggy. And dingy.

Also? Your vagina is a bit of a cave.

Like the rest of our bodies, our cooters can be customized to our exact specifications – provided of course you have the money and access to the cosmetic application/procedure of your choice.

You can remove a little, a lot or all of your pubic hair through shaving and/or waxing. You can nip and tuck your lips via labiaplasty. You can tighten up the inner works with vaginal rejuvenation surgery. You can even lighten and brighten your cooch with racist horror cream topical skin ligthening.

Confession: I make cosmetic adjustments to my appearance for completely superficial reasons on pretty much a daily basis. I apply moisturizers in the hopes that it will preserve some semblence of youthful elastiscity in my skin. I spend a lot of time and money to have my hair straightened. I wear make-up. Once a month, a portion of my modest salary goes towards having my labial folicles striped of hair. So really, I have no right to judge.

I have no right to judge because I myself participate in cosmetic culture. More importantly I have no right to judge because what other people choose to do with their bodies isn’t my business. Unfortunately, I am prone to moments of inner judgement – especially around racist horror cream the skin lighteners – but that’s as much about my own body image triggers as it is about OMG THE HORRIFYING RACISM product.

What I do take issue with is that many of these products and services are sold under the guise of, “Dude, there’s something WRONG with your vag.” And yes, that’s the shilling point for most cosmetics, but somehow it feels extra mean when that message is aimed at my crotch.

Here’s an excerpt from a local salon’s FAQ about brazilian bikini waxes:

Many women opt and even request a Brazilian wax because it gives a neat, clean appearance.

Except pubic hair isn’t dirty or messy. That’s my garage. I’ve yet to see a person with a winter’s worth of car salt and an overflowing recycle bin in their bush. Pubes are normal. It’s just hair, like all the other hair on the other parts of our bodies. If you like it, keept it. If you don’t, by all means get rid of it – but let’s not make this into some sort of hygiene/housekeeping issue!

Here’s the lowdown from a popular plastic surgeon known for performing “Designer Laser Vaginoplasty”.

Although hidden, a woman’s genitalia can still be a source of shame and discomfort when its appearance is less than favourable. Designer Laser Vaginoplasty® is the name for a broad range of trademarked procedures designed to improve the aesthetics of female genitalia. It can treat asymmetry and any other aesthetic problem related to this area.

Finally – a treatment for asymmetry. For those of you who don’t know, asymmetry has reached pandemic levels, affecting vulvas around the world. In fact, it’s so common…it’s common. Some might even say “okay” and “totally not weird”. Which isn’t to say you can’t restyle them if it’s going make you happy. But labia aren’t like shoes – they don’t have to match.

And there’s we have the next evolution of racist horror cream, skin lightening products: cunt lightening body wash. This appears to be a product out of India, where apparently dark nethers are the leading cause of marital discord.

My own bits – like the rest of me – are pretty colour rich. I’d better get me some wash, before The Man of Mans dumps my brown ass for fairer pastures!

Ultimately it’s your body and you do what you want with it. Just know that your whether you like it altered or au naturel – your v’gee is all good!