An anonymous reader wrote me the following letter:
I recently went on a blind date set up by friends. I had a great time and we even ended our date with a lovely, gentle kiss and promise to get together soon. I’m looking forward to getting to know the person better and sees what comes of it.
In the past few years of single-dom I’ve had a few “flings” and all of them were the result of an immediate animalistic magnetism that struck both of us. While this person is not at all unattractive, I wouldn’t have locked eyes with them across the room per se – they didn’t grab me in the way my flings have. Do you think this has any impact on our coupling?
Let’s dive headlong into this quandary and assess this situation. I personally haven’t had the chance to blind-date but I imagine it’s a pretty daunting situation rife with all the nerves and mild sweating of a normal first date, plus the added anxiety of meeting a stranger. So the fact that you:
a) had a great time
c) want to see this person again
all speak to a pretty rockin’ first encounter.
As for the flingy feelings? I think it’s too soon tell what effect (if any) that will have on your sexual attraction in the long term. Quick-shot lust can be a heady experience what with the flaming loins and all. And there’s nothing wrong with a fling if that’s how everyone involved wants to roll. But passion isn’t a now or never kind of thing. Just because you don’t want to rip someone’s clothes off after the first date, that doesn’t mean it never will.
There’s a fair amount of evidence to show that attraction often develops as a result of familiarity. You may not have fireworks in your pants right now but something may develop if you spend more time with this person.
I also think it’s worth mentioning that there is a difference between not having strong feelings of desire for someone and finding a person undesirable. The former is the absence of feeling, which could potentially change over time. The latter is the presence of a feeling and that feeling is, “Step away from the nethers!”
So my advice, Anonymous, is to go with your gut. You want to see this person again – go for it! Hang out, have more fun and kissing if you’re feeling it. Get familiar with this person and in time you’ll know if this is person is destined to be a friend, a fling or someone more significant.
What say you readers? Have you felt the surge of animal lust? Ever had a great romance get off to a slow start? Can passion develop over time or should it be there from the start? The comment section is yours, so have at it!