photo by Yersinia

photo by Yersinia

If you’re looking to make your sex life a little kinkier, but you’re daunted by the sometime high cost of the gear, fear not! Here are some BDSM-hacks that you can add to your holiday wish list without compromising your budget!

Instead of nipple clamps…
Nipple clamps are used to exert pressure or pain on the nipples (obvs!) but you can use them on the scrotum, the labia or any other place you might enjoy a little pinch.

Nipple Clamps

Try clothes pins!
Same great clamping action for a fraction of the price…or free if you have them lying around the house. The trade-off here is nipple clamps are adjustable, while clothes pins are a one-size-fits-all kind of deal. But since you can get a pack of 50 pins for under two bucks, you haven’t lost much if they don’t work out.

Clothes pins



Instead of a paddle…
Spanking paddles are made of various materials including wood, leather and plastic. They’re generally designed to look and sound like serious business, although you can use them to deliver a gentle pat as well as a full-on wallop.


Try a fly swatter!
They may not look as tough, but fly swatters are a mad-bargain. They rarely cost more than a dollar and they deliver quick the licking. If you’re looking for a firmer paddling but still want to pinch your pennies, consider a wooden cooking utensil. Slotted spatulas or one of the spoons with the hole in the middle are especially fun if you like making patterns when you spank!

Wooden spoon



Instead of a cock cage…
Chastity cages are a way of putting a submissive’s penis under someone else’s control. It doesn’t prevent an erections, but it does restrict a hard on, causing what some describe as erotic comfort. It also prevents access to penis, so if you get turned-on you can’t do anything about it until your play partner decides to release you

Chastity cage

Try a pet muzzle.
Chastity cages can be quite pricey. Pet muzzles, by comparison, are not – so if you’re curious about penile restraint but reluctant to make a big investment, this could be the low-cost option for you. Again, getting a precise fit will with a muzzle might be more of a challenge  but most feature adjustable straps, so you can play around and see what works best for your body.

Pet muzzle



Instead of the sex store…
No dis to the sex store. I’ve worked in one and I still shop at them all the time. When it comes to items like lube, safer-sex gear, books and most toys and good sex shop can’t be beat. And when you’re ready to invest in some good-quality, long-lasting kinky stuff, your friendly neighbourhood sex peddlers can hook you up proper. That having been said you might pay a premium for certain items.


Try the hardware store!
Some bondage basics can  be purchased at your local home improvement store. Rope, chains, hooks and certain types fasteners are all available at the hardware store. The aesthetics may be a bit more utilitarian, but the prices are usually pretty good. Also a trip to Home Depot is a bit more discreet for those that want to keep their kinky activities to themselves.

Home Depot

Instead of 50 Shades
For many readers, the 50 Shades trilogy opened up a whole world of kinky possibilities. Fiction can definitely inspire exciting ideas for sex in real life; however it isn’t necessarily intended to illustrate the “how-to” ness of kink.

50 Shades

Try SM 101!
This isn’t so much a money saving tip, but if you’re interested in BDSM practices, SM 101 will give you a lot of more bang for you book-buying buck. The subtitle of Jay Wiseman’s primer is “a realistic introduction”. And it is. SM 101 takes you through the basics of negotiation, physical and emotional safety, bondage, spanking, finding partners to play with and more. It’s the first book I ever read about kinky play and to this day it remains one of my favourites.

SM 101


So what’s on your sexy wish list this holiday? If you’re looking for more even more gift inspiration you can also check out my latest post over at The Yummy Mummy Club. Happy shopping!

I spent a delightful evening at the thea-tuh earlier this week. My friend Paul invited me to be his date for the opening night of Plosive Production’s In The Next Room: The Vibrator Play. As a former thespian with an ongoing fascination with things that go buzz in the night, I eagerly accepted.

Check out my review below!


I’ve had a few questions recently about how to help a partner who’s struggling with body image issues and what to do if those issues affect their desire for sex.

I decided give my fingers a break from typing and do a video response instead. Remember viewers, I’m not a therapist or a counsellor – just a gal with some opinions and a video camera.

I’m also a gal who should tidy her bedroom. Hello, wayward sock in the background!

All right, enough with the disclaimers. Time for the video. Roll it!



I’ve found my way onto the talk show circuit. One show…that counts as a circuit, right?

Jesse Reynolds is a performer, local media personality and connoisseur of all things fabulous. We met years ago as fellow actors and formed an instant friendship. Sharing the stage with Jesse was such a blast! When he invited me to be a guest on his new show From Zero to Jesse, I couldn’t say yes fast enough.

Check out the episode below! Jesse and I chat about embarrassing sex stories, a real life fruit ninja and a few fun toys. We also put musical guest/best dressed man I’ve ever met, Danniel Oickle to the test in The Gay Electric Chair.


Aaand…we’re back!

Life took my best laid plans to scale back my blogging and turned them into a full scale hiatus. On the bleak side, I was plagued by a brutal flu, followed by a less intense but super-icky cold. Worst of all was the sudden death of a beloved family member just a couple of days before Christmas.

But the holiday hasn’t all been sickness and sad. The MoMs and I managed to pull together a pretty swank Christmas dinner, complete with prime rib roast and a successful first attempt at Yorkshire puddings. We went for our first family snowshoe through Gatineau park. I’ve also got some pretty exciting plans for the new year in the works…but that’s a subject for another post!

Right now I’m just glad to be back writing in the adorkable realm. And since this will be my final post of 2012, I thought it’d be fun to take a look back at my ten most popular posts from this past year, before taking the plunge into 2013!

Happy New Year, everyone!


1. My Favourite Things: Elvgren Pin Up Girls

2. It’s Not You, It’s Me. Well Actually, It’s Them

3. My Favourite Things: The Lelo Smart Wand (Video Review)

4. Plight of the Topless Woman

5. My Book Report On 50 Shades Of Gray

6. Why I Don’t Oppose Sex Selective Abortion

7. My Favourite Things: 50 Shades Of Snark

8. My Favourite Things: Dr. NerdLove

9. Sorry, But…

10. Princesses Are People Too. Why Kate Middleton Had Every Right To Be Topless.



Now that I’ve been in the sex-educatin’ game for a few years, I’ve noticed a few common misunderstandings and myths about what our bodies do when we’re getting it on. I chose the following five, not only because I hear them repeatedly but because I used to believe them myself.  I’m not sure where some of these ideas started, but I’m fairly certain Cosmo had something to do with it.

When in doubt, blame Cosmo.

1. The G-spot is the holy grail of sexual satisfaction with guaranteed orgasms and female ejaculation.

G-spot stimulation can be an intensely pleasurable experience for some people. Others may find it uncomfortable, overstimulating, painful. A lot of G-spots respond differently at different times. And while most G-spots do get juicy when aroused, that porn-style vaginal squirting is a relatively rare occurence.

2. Having regular bum sex – especially with big people or sex toys – will stretch out your sphincters. You’ll wind up in adult diapers.

Contrary to popular belief, anal penetration with larger body parts or toys does not stretch you out. As long as you’re doing what’s safe and comfortable for your body, there’s some evidence to indicate that having regular bum sex is actually beneficial to anal health.

3. Multiple orgasms are better than a single orgasm. Being able to give and/or experience multiple orgasm means you’re better at sex.

First, I have yet to find a definitive explanation of what constitutes a multiple orgasm. Also, trying to force a lots of orgasms when you were perfectly satisfied with one – or even none – is rarely a gratifying experience.

4. My sexual partner masturbates. I must not be satisfying them.

A lot of people find that masturbation and partnered sex feel very different. Even partners with white-hot sex lives have a hankerin’ for some self-satisfaction every now and again.

5. If we have sex when my partner is having their period, they can’t get pregnant.

It’s less likely, but still possible for a person to conceive if they have intercourse having their period. The timing of a person’s menstrual cycle can change without warning. There’s always a chance they may ovulate within a couple days of the previous cycle’s period. If sperm from a recent sexual encounter are still present…welcome to Zygote- town!


Dear Santa Claus,

Whassup? Merry Christmas, seasons greetings, holiday cheer and all that rad stuff!

This past Saturday some cool peeps at the Adult Fun Superstore invited a group of local bloggers to check out their wares at an in-store Pandora Party.

I used to host similar workshops back in my sex store days, but I haven’t been to one in years so I was keen to see what’s new in the wonderful world of adult toyland.


Props to your sexy elves, Santa! There are quite a few items that have made my wishlist. Yes, I am a grown woman. Putting gift requests through your office at my age is unorthodox, to be sure. But The MoMs and I are instating holiday austerity measures in anticipation of some costly plans in the new year. That leaves you and my mom as gifting sources. I think we can both agree that you are by far the more appropriate option.

I think I’ve been pretty nice this year so here, for you consideration, is my naughty Christmas wish list.


1. Dickalicious Penis Arousal Gel

Saying the word “dickalicious” elevates my mood by at least 17%. As a person living with clinical depression, I cannot ignore the profound effect this product might have on my quality of life.

Also? I licked it and it is super-yum.

2. Dreamworlds Steelworks Plug


This is some beautiful, blinged out backside hardware. I’ve been wanting to experiment with accessories. Every moment in life – including anal -is an opportunity for style!

3. Lelo Luna Beads


Fact: I love me some Lelo toys

Fact: I love me some vaginal balls

Fact: If you bring these for me, Santa, I will be full of Christmas cheer, all year long!

4. Sportsheet Spreader Bar

Truthfully, I’d never considered playing with one but the moment I saw this, I desperately wanted it. The neoprene cuffs are so comfy! It doesn’t take a Freudian to understand why the thought of a hard steel rod between my legs is exciting.

So, in conclusion…

Please can I have a spreader bar? Please can I have a spreader bar? Please, please, please, pretty please, please please, PLEASE?

Yours sincerely,





Steel cock rings

A cock ring is a ring…that fits around the cock. Apparently the person who named it favoured the obvious.

More specifically a cock ring is a snug band worn around the base of the penis (and sometimes the testicles as well). They work by blocking the flow of blood out of the penis, which can create longer, more tumescent erections. The “rings” are made from a variety of materials and may be ring shaped, but may also be oblong, tear dropped or have interesting adornments to make your package all fancy pants.

Rope-style ring

I’m a gal who very much enjoys the aesthetics of dick au naturel; however, I dig the cock ring for it’s simple functional brilliance. D Erections occur when blood flows in through vessels deep inside the shaft of the penis. Conversely, when the penis returns to flaccid state when blood leaves through vessels near the surface of the skin. A cock ring puts pressure on those external blood vessels, while the ones deep inside remain wide open. Blood comes in, but it can’t get out. And that puts the “hard” in hard-on.

Some people are old pros when it comes to using cock rings. But if you’re trying one for the first time, here are a few things to consider:

  • If you put a cock ring around your flaccid penis, make sure the fit is snug but not tight. A tight fit on a soft cock will get significantly tighter when you’re hard. This is especially important if you’re using something like a metal ring, which can’t be removed easily once you’ve got an erection. If you’re unsure, better to wait and decorate the general with they’re standing at full attention.
  • Adjustable rings are a great option for beginners and pros alike. There are many options in flexible materials such as leather, silicone, nylon cord, jelly vinyl and rubber that allow you to customize the fit and easily adjust or remove the ring if the fit isn’t right.

Leather cock ring with snaps

  • Be sure to remove the ring after 20 minutes or so, so you risk any blood vessel damage.
  • Do you know that there are cock rings that come with a small vibrator attached? Bonus good time feelings and you can share them with a partner!

Vibrating jelly vinyl cock ring

On its own, the penis is a pretty cool phenomenon. But increased pleasure through the penile power of hydraulics? If you like it, why not put a ring on it?

Originally posted March 11, 2010

photo by trec_lit

I’ve had a variety of unremarkable day jobs: government work, standard retail…that sort of thing.  Then, through a series of flukes and coincidences I’ve wound up with a whole other career…in sex.  There’s much to love about working in this sphere.  It is, by nature, a sexy field to work in.  I get free and/or discounted condoms, toys and other paraphernalia. My work has helped me sort out some of my own issues related to sex and body image.

I also see a lot of boobies.

I love what I do.  That having been said, there are quirks of the trade.  Here, for your education and amusement are 10 occupational hazards of working in sexuality.

10.  All Talk. Less Action.

I talk about sex all the time. Which leads some people to assume that I have sex all the time.  The truth is that Man of Mans and I live jam-packed lives as working parents to a young child.  If you invite us to a party, you may catch us sneaking off to a seclude corner somewhere but it’s just as likely to be for a power-nap as for make-outs.  Add to that the high probability that I’ve spilled something sticky on my shirt  and really it’s miraculous that I get any action at all.

9.  Condom Surplus

Condoms, condoms everywhere.  A box in my spare room.  Leftovers from presentations.  Standard swag at conferences.  I come across random rubbers in my purses, my pockets…once stuck to the bottom of my shoe.  Need some latex?  Come see me. I have enough to sheath every member of our fair city.

8. Jumping To Conclusions

Once some friends came over to hang out and one of them brought a video. I immediately wondered why they had brought porn and if they wanted us to watch a group and would that be super-awkward?  It absolutely would have been, except for the part where the movie was The Big Lebowski.  I sometimes forget that when most people say  “I brought a video” or “come round the back” or “I could eat some sushi” they’re being literal. Life is not one continuous double-enterdre

7. Buyer’s Remorse

Access to deeply discounted toys and other hot paraphernalia is awesomehats.  But like with anything else, I’m susceptible to the seduction of sale prices, regardless of what the item is.  As such, I’ve come home with a few items that far exceed my sexual ambitions and/or flexibility.  When I look at an item and think “where does this GO?”, that’s probably  a clue that it’s not the toy for me.

6. Impropriety Is The Spice Of Life

Due to the nature of our work, conversation around the office water cooler tend to be about the current season of Lost…and clitorises. Oscar fashion…and clitorises.  The latest federal budget…and…you know.  I can and will bring any conversation back to the clitoris.  It’s a deeply ingrained instinct.  Great for work and nights out with certain friends.  Less wonderful at wedding receptions or playground chat with my fellow parents.

5. Blurting!

This one’s related to number 6.  Recently, I was at dog training class when the instructor asked us, “what is something you really, really wouldn’t want your dog to have in his mouth?”  No one answered.  The instructor prodded futher, “Really?  Nothing?  Nothing you wouldn’t want your dog to grab…perhaps trot out in front of guests?”  “Um…your vibrator?” I ventured.  Everyone in the class looked at me like I’d eaten a kitten. “I meant something like shoes,” the instructor corrected, “Dumbass.” She didn’t say that last part but it was strongly implied in her tone/withering glare.

4. Spoiler Alert!

One of my many guilty pleasures used to be pulp fiction novels.  Sadly, I can no longer enjoy them.  Or soap operas.  Or romantic movies.   I can’t be in the same room as a sex scene, without critiquing all the titillation out of it.  Because of my professional lens (or “smartypants-itis”, as I like to call it), I ruin pop culture sex for myself and I wreck it for other people too!   One friend has already stated emphatically that she will never watch Y Tu Mama Tambien with me.

3.  Not Pimpin’

Dear Random Strangers Who Approach Me In All Sorts Of Random Situations,

I work as a sex educator. That’s not the same thing as doing sex work. I support it, I just don’t do it. If you want information on safer sex practices or how to locate the G-spot, I’m your gal.  If you want access to a sexually experienced kink-specific, instantly available play partner, I’m afraid you’ll have to ask elsewhere.

2. Family Bonding

My parents are very supportive of the work I do.  *Very* supportive.  Perhaps too supportive.  Like when my mom (Hi, mom!)  came to the fellatio workshop I was giving and sat in the front row.  Then she enlisted my help in selecting a vibrator.  It was only a minor stroke, but one that I feel is responsible for at least 50% of my typos.

1. Rashes

Blisters. Sores. Pustules. Warts.  The most casual of acquaintance will describe dermatological afflictions of their genitals in graphic detail.  Not that anyone should ever feel shamed into silence by a potential STI.  But I’m not a doctor or anything close to a qualified diagnostician (though I can point you in the direction of someone who is).  Also?  People tend to initiate the rash conversation when I’m eating.  Let me finish eating my yoghurt, then we’ll talk about your discharge.

Good Vibrations: the mother of all sex shops!

In keeping with this week’s theme of sex-positivity, I thought I’d shed the spotlight on some wicked retailers who have made it their business to provide customers with an inclusive, inviting, educational place to do their sexy shopping.

The Art of Loving (Vancouver, BC)

Not only do these folks sell an array of toys, clothing and safer sex gear, they are on a mission to enhance pleasure and spread the word about sex positivity!

Babeland (New York, NY. Seattle, WA.)

Formerly known as Toys in Babeland, this store is about so much more than just vibes. These folks sell just about sexy product you can think of! They also have an amazing resource-rich wesbite with everything from sex advice to educational video guides!

Come As You Are (Toronto, Ontario)

A retail collective run by a wonderful gang of sex-nerds who just want to help you enjoy whatever type of sex you like best. In addition to toys, fetish gear and safer sex paraphernalia, CAYA also has a very impressive selection of sex-positive porn.

Good For Her (Toronto, Ontario)

GFH offers special women and trans-only shopping hours on Sundays and welcomes patrons of any gender identity throughout the week. In addition to the retail business, GFH are big supporters of Toronto’s feminist and LGBTTQQ community. They are also founders of the smutty and fabulous Feminist Porn Awards!

Good Vibrations (San Francisco, CA. Berkley, CA. Oakland, CA. Brookline, MA)

The sex selling institution that started it all! These San Francisco folk came up with the radical idea that sex toys could and should be sold in clean well-lit stores by friendly, knowledgable staff. Thirty-five years later,  that idea has become a retail movement and Good Vibrations has six fab locations plus an antique vibrator museum!

Smitten Kitten (Minneapolis, MN)

These sex-savvy Minnesota sellers having been giving their customers the straight-up low-down on sex and pleasure for a decade. The store offers an extensive line of BDSM gear and vegan-friendly products. If you’re not from the land of a thousand lakes, fear not! The Kitten offers international shipping and reasonable rates!

Venus Envy (Ottawa, ON. Halifax, NS)

My home town favourite! VE is an Ottawa institution that’s come a long way from it’s one-woman, home-based start in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Today it boasts two locations which both offer toys, books, safer sex gear and host of sexy, educational workshops!

Womyn’s Ware (Vancouver, BC)

Don’t let the name fool you! While the store is owned and run by women, it is friendly to customers of all gender identites. The founders believe that sexual pleasure is possible for anyone and sell an array of fun, frisky products to help you get there!

Are you a fan of one of these stores? Do you have a favourite sex positive shopping spot that deserves a mention? Let me know about it in the comments!