Originally my question for this week was going to be the 90’s rom-com standard: Can men and women be friends? But I’m not a fan of the heteronormative, exclusive wording of that question. Also, it’s kind of broad. I know men and women can be friends. I’ve seen it happen.

So going along the same lines, but tweaking the intention a little, my questions for you this week are:

Do you have friendships with people of your preferred sexual gender(s)? Have you ever experienced sexual attraction towards a friend and if so, how have you dealt with it?

I have a strong sexual orientation towards men. I’ve also enjoyed close friendships with guys for pretty much all of my adult life. As for sexual attraction? Yeah, that’s a thing that happens and I’ve dealt with it differently in different friendships. It’s not my favourite approach but sometimes I ignore it entirely. Other times I have confessed my attraction, but only in the way past tense like, “Three years ago, I was TOTALLY into you but now I just think of you as a cousin.”

Ideally, I prefer to just say when I’m feeling crush-y.  Admitting to sexy feelings in a non-sexual relationship is super-awkward however; once it’s all out there, we can do helpful things like putting boundaries in place that will help protect both the friendship and our relationships with our respective sexual/romantic partners.*

Occasionally I find myself sexually attracted to people who are not men. But (with a couple exceptions) friendship often diminishes my sexual feelings, instead of triggering them. The intimacy of friendship translates to an attraction that is often very physical, but in way that has nothing to do with my nether parts.

*Except The Man of Mans. I told him I was attracted to him so we could put boundaries in place that helped us date, have sex and get married.

 

 

Every Friday I ask you a question of the week. You can answer often, occasionally or not at all. If you have something to say but you’re feeling shy, you’re always welcome to comment anonymously.

What personality traits do you find attractive in a partner?

Humour. Specifically wit and/or sarcasm. Banter is a powerful aphrodisiac.

I adore kind people. Not necessarily  a noble humanitarian type (though it’s swell if you are), just a sweet person who smiles at kids, thanks the bus driver and generally cares about other people’s feelings. That’s hot.

I love people with creative minds. To be clear, I don’t think creativity is a quality that only artistic people possess. The Man of Mans is very creative as a mathematician. The medium is less relevant than the incredible turn-on of person with an inventive, innovative, ‘I want to make stuff’ kind of mind.

People who own Roll Bounce on DVD. Which isn’t a personality trait but hey – the heart wants what it wants.

 

What personality traits are guaranteed to turn you off?

Arrogance. I know confidence is a good thing and I do like people who are authentically self-assured. But boasting? Kills my lady-boner every time.

Aaand…we’re back!

Life took my best laid plans to scale back my blogging and turned them into a full scale hiatus. On the bleak side, I was plagued by a brutal flu, followed by a less intense but super-icky cold. Worst of all was the sudden death of a beloved family member just a couple of days before Christmas.

But the holiday hasn’t all been sickness and sad. The MoMs and I managed to pull together a pretty swank Christmas dinner, complete with prime rib roast and a successful first attempt at Yorkshire puddings. We went for our first family snowshoe through Gatineau park. I’ve also got some pretty exciting plans for the new year in the works…but that’s a subject for another post!

Right now I’m just glad to be back writing in the adorkable realm. And since this will be my final post of 2012, I thought it’d be fun to take a look back at my ten most popular posts from this past year, before taking the plunge into 2013!

Happy New Year, everyone!

 

1. My Favourite Things: Elvgren Pin Up Girls

2. It’s Not You, It’s Me. Well Actually, It’s Them

3. My Favourite Things: The Lelo Smart Wand (Video Review)

4. Plight of the Topless Woman

5. My Book Report On 50 Shades Of Gray

6. Why I Don’t Oppose Sex Selective Abortion

7. My Favourite Things: 50 Shades Of Snark

8. My Favourite Things: Dr. NerdLove

9. Sorry, But…

10. Princesses Are People Too. Why Kate Middleton Had Every Right To Be Topless.

 

 

This past weekend I hopped the train for Toronto and Blissdom, Canada’s marquis social media conference for women.

Stepping and repeating with fellow blogger, Julie Harrison.

I expected a lot from the event.  Industry experts sharing tips and tricks of trade. Lots of chatty time with interesting people doing interesting things. Scads of swag. And the weekend didn’t disappoint. Blissdom gave me everything I’d been expecting…and something I wasn’t.

I was not expecting the sexy.

That’s right. Blissdom gave me warm, tingly conference feels thanks to a couple of  outstanding famous people encounters! Though techincally my first encounter wasn’t with a person; it was with several! A magnificent team in hot pink representing my favourite menstrual product: Diva Cup!

I had no idea Diva Cup was one of the conference sponsors, so when I happened upon their booth I went full-fledged fangirl, gushing and squeeing to everyone within earshot about how ZOMG! DIVA CUPS ARE THE BEST EVAR and EEEEE! I LURVE THEM THE MOST!

What can I say?  Diva Cups warrant unbridled enthusiasm.

This is what a fangirl looks like!

Later the same day, I joined my fellow conferencees for some post-lunch guest speaking. The first person to grace the stage was none other than Q host and secret celebrity crush, Jian Ghomeshi!

He spoke to us about growing up as the lone Iranian kid in Thornhill, a decidedly non-Iranian suburb of Toronto. The memories he shared were the inspiration for his recently released memoir, 1982. His stories and the excerpts he read delighted the audience and propelled my crush to new soaring heights!

After the speaking, Ghomeshi The Witty And Handsome stuck around for meeting, greeting and book signing. Of course, I nabbed a copy and got my smitten ass in line. Not wanting a repeat of my Diva Cup flail, I tried to think of clever things I would say when my turn came up.

Hi, Jian. What a coincidence! You grew up in Thornhill. My name is Thornhill!  What?! No!.

Hi, Jian. Do you know that you and my partner went to the same high school? Which would be interesting if The Man of Mans were here instead of me.

Hi, Jian. Remember that time you were in Moxy Fruvous and did that bitchin’ cover of ‘Green Eggs And Ham’? For the love of pants, brain, I said clever! Think of clever things to say!

But thinking time was over. I was at the front of line, face to face with the man who’s interviewing genius makes me weak in the knees.

“Hello, Nadine,” he said warmly, before I had a chance to speak.

Holy balls!  I thought, Jian Ghomeshi knows who I am!

A  moment later I realized that Jian Ghomeshi knows how to read name tags. I was wearing a big one clipped on the breast pocket of my jacket. But it felt like he knew who I was. And that friendly familiar greeting brought me frantic fan to feeling relaxed and comfortable.

He asked what I did and what had brought me to Blissdom. When I told him I was sex educator, he eagerly insisted I tune in on Monday to hear his conversation with Junot Diaz, who’s most recent short-story collection is about love, relationships and sexy stuffs. I also mentioned the interview he had done with Dr. Ruth earlier this summer.

“Yeah. I still have to go on my date with her,” he told me. I didn’t know which one I envied more, Jian or the good doctor.

He asked if I’d like to take a picture together. “Sure,” I replied in my best I-have-my-picture-taken-with-brilliant-good-looking-people-all-the-time voice.

A moment of bliss!

 

I said thank you and good-bye. A few minutes later, I sat down to check out my 100% authentic Jian Ghomeshi signature. I thought I’d only see the scrawl of his name on the inside cover. Instead I read this:

For Nadine,

Please understand it’s critical but loving words on Thornhill

Yours (with a smile),

Jian Ghomeshi

Thornhill represent!

Yep. Blissdom definitely exceeded my expectations. :-)

 

 

EAT ALL THE CANDY!

You know what I love? Sugar. And candy. And sugary candy.

And though this is a post about one of my favourite things, it is not a post about candy. Though it does make me supremely happy. I would eat it more – almost exclusively, if I could. Unfortunately, my doctor has recommended that I cut waaaay back on the sweetstuffs, lest I develop troublesome conditions such as diabetes or dying.

So my intention is to keep my super-sweet indulgences to a minimum. I will miss them. Still, I have the cherished memory of the that in high school when I discharged an entire can of whipped cream into a mixing bowl and ate it while watching The Three Amigos. It was infinitely more pleasurable than the first time I had intercourse.

Fortunately, I’ve become better at sex since my first attempt. Good enough that substituting sugar lust with actual lust seems like a viable strategy when cravings hit.*  Rather than gobble up a bag of green apple licorice (*drools*), I’ll try devouring some of my favourite book porn. And who better to read than my literary crush and fellow candyphile, Steve Almond.

When I read Steve Almond’s book  Candyfreak: A Journey Through America’s Chocolate Underbelly , he immediately secured place in my heart. Initially my adoration was strcitly platonic; the kind of love you feel for someone who is clearly your kindred spirit. Reading Candyfreak was like reading my own brain. I finished the book and I was so sad to learn that Almond lives in Massachusetts which made it unlikely that we would cross paths. What the hell good is a kindred spirit that you’ll never meet?

Later I learned that Steve Almond writes a kinds of stuff. Like erotic short fiction. Like really, really, good erotic fiction. Feelings were stirred. To date one, my favourite piece of Almond-smut is Slippy For President. It’s word-porn with a quintessentially nerdy protagonist that does magnificent things to my most private parts! Dude is one sexy mofo!

His novel Which Brings Me To You (Co-Authored with Julianna Baggott – the lucky gal!) is the kind smart, contemporary romance of my dreams!

Steve Almond knows Susie Bright. Knowing Susie Bright instantly gives you 10 extra sexy point in my book.

So yeah, cutting back on the sugar will be a challenge. Fortunately, I’ve got the sweet words of Steve Almond to soothe my withdrawal symptoms. Meanwhile, if you’re not familiar with his work, I suggest check out some Almond-joy as soon as possible. He will rock your pants…or lack thereof!

*Speaking of lust, things have definitely improved since last week’s post – thank for all the great advice, peeps!

photo by eelssej

Most people are familiar with the concept of a crush. Those fluttery stomach feels that happen when you find yourself sexually and/or romantically attracted to another person. A squish is also a form of attraction, which may very well involve butterflies and intense feelings but isn’t sexual or romantic in nature.

People who identify as asexual sometimes use the word squish to describe their desire for other people; however people of any sexual identification may experience the feeling. I have a squish on many of you. Prrrrow!

The Doctor is IN!

Peeps…I have a crush.

I don’t know what it is about this dude. Maybe it’s because we have stuff in common like blogging about sex, dating and feminism.  Maybe it’s his sharp sense of humour and wry social commentary. Or maybe it’s because he’s a big ol’ sexy nerd.

Whatever it is, there’s definitely something about Dr. NerdLove.

According to his tagline, Dr. NerdLove is on a mission to help to the nerds get the girl. That mission includes authoring bloggeriffic gems like:

Online Dating 201: Why Women Don’t Respond

What Does It Mean To Be A Man

5 Common Sexual Mishaps And How To Recover From Them (Includes bonus photo of the world’s cutest bunny!)

And my recent favourite:

It’s Okay To Want Sex

If that ain’t some toe-curling geek wisdom, I don’t know what is. If not for the fact that we live in different countries and that I am monogamously mad for The Man of Mans, I’d find the good doctor and I would ask him out for coffee so hard, he’d…um…totally have coffee with me.

If you’re into sexy nerds like I’m into sexy nerds I suggest you book a doctor’s appointment today! Dr. NerdLove definitely has the cure for what ails you.

 

You may be thinking, ‘A courtyard – you’re crazy! That isn’t sexy. It’s just an open space partial or completely enclosed by walls or buildings. Stop talking crazy!’

I feel where you’re coming from, but this ain’t your grandmother’s medieval castle, cobble-stoned, fountain-feature courtyard. This is the Ottawa Fringe Courtyard – a mecca of food, drink and sexually charged energy that only happens for ten days every year!

Please don’t misunderstand me. There are no orgies nor are there and overabundance of sloppy pubic make-outs*.  But there’s something. People hug more, smile more and look at one another with sultry appreciation. The writers, directors, performers and producers are alight with creative energy.

Also? There’s booze. Thus far I’ve been driving and therefore, not drinking but even without the social lubricant of alcohol I’ve been feeling the Courtyard high and enjoying myself immensely. With so many people I like (and like like) milling about, I’ve been having an awfully good time between shows – while honouring all the agreed upon boundaries of my marriage, of course.

In fact, what I enjoy most are the conversations. Take last night for example.  I spent several hours indulging my socially promiscuous side with Wayne, Jan, Stylin’ Jes and Gametes and Gonads wunderkind Jeff Leard. Topics of conversation included:

Boobs!

Where to buy a life-size condom suit. (The answer is eBay!)

My Fringe crush on Vernus superstar Ken Godmere.

Boobs!

My general crush on Fringe CEO Natalie Joy Quesnel.

The yays and nays of open relationships.

Post-coital neuroses.

Stylin’ Jes and her hawtness.

Men who look mighty fine in a pair women’s pants.

Wayne and his hawtness.

The effect of pubic grooming as it relates to oral sex.

Also? Boobs!

Breasts and flirting are by no means mandatory in the Courtyard. But my friends’ conversation is indicative of the general relaxed, feel-good attitude that epitomizes the Courtyard experience.  The combination of good people, good food and a whole lot of theatre coalesce in a perfect blend of summer bliss.  It’s a mighty good feeling!

So if you’re in my neck of the wood, come on down to open space partially enclosed by the walls of Arts’ Court. There are no cobblestones or fountains, but there is one hell of a good time!

 

It’s another jam-packed week here in the Adorkable Realm. I’ve poetry gigs to host, blogs to read out loud and t assles to twirl. As usual, I’m flailing through my busy week like the uncoordinated dervish I am.  But you know who’s never not awesome? My ultimate secret celebrity boyfriend, Stephen Colbert.  While I finish gluing rhinestones to my bra, please enjoy this classic clip of one of my all-time favourite Colbert moments

And *I* salute you, Mr. Colbert!

 

And didn’t forget about last week’s giveaway. The winner of a brand new Pee Zee is…Elkae! Congrats! To claim your prize, please shoot me an e-mail at nadine@adorkableundies.com. Many thanks to everyone who entered.

He's always hard!

The other night, The Man of Mans and I were discussing crushes and our respective “types”.  Admittedly the whims of my sexual attraction are influenced by several factors, many of which I don’t control and some of which I have no awareness of at all.  That having been said, I do seem to be more susceptible to what I would describe as a nerdy aesthetic – particularly when it comes to dudes.  Guys in rumpled button downs or gamer t-shirts totally do it for me. I like a slightly round snack belly. And I swoon over a men who rock a standout pair of specs.

To paraphrase the late great Steve Sauve – I am the gal who makes passes at the men who wear glasses!

After our conversation, I began thinking more about why my type is my type. What is it about eyewear and an apparent aversion to ironing that turns me on? After more consideration it dawned on me, that the nerd stereotype encompasses several personality traits that I find especially attractive. Nerds are generally thought of as intelligent, kind and unassuming. Nerds are often characterized by their passion for a particular subject or activity, such as science, video games or comic books.

Balls-out enthusiasm? Smarts? Gentle, kind and humble? I’ll take all of those, please!

But ultimately my lust for geek-chic comes from my brain (and my loins) making inferences about who that person is based on how they look. I don’t take this as a bad thing necessarily.  It’s just a thing. But it’s interesting to realize that my physical type – at least when it comes to men – is actually based on a personality type. It’s also interesting to consider that my sexual attraction is firing based on inferences that, for all I know, are wrong . The guy in the old Trogdor t-shirt might be the sweet geek of my dreams. Or he might be a cocksure player in a Trogdor t-shirt

(Aside: I miss my Trogdor t-shirt.)

Do you have a type? Is there a certain aesthetic, demographic or characteristic that turns you on more reliably that others? Are there personality traits that you find irresistibly sexy. Are there others that turn you off entirely? Who was your favourite Homestar Runner character?

Can’t wait to read your thoughts on this! In the meantime…BURNINATION!