Originally my question for this week was going to be the 90′s rom-com standard: Can men and women be friends? But I’m not a fan of the heteronormative, exclusive wording of that question. Also, it’s kind of broad. I know men and women can be friends. I’ve seen it happen.
So going along the same lines, but tweaking the intention a little, my questions for you this week are:
Do you have friendships with people of your preferred sexual gender(s)? Have you ever experienced sexual attraction towards a friend and if so, how have you dealt with it?
I have a strong sexual orientation towards men. I’ve also enjoyed close friendships with guys for pretty much all of my adult life. As for sexual attraction? Yeah, that’s a thing that happens and I’ve dealt with it differently in different friendships. It’s not my favourite approach but sometimes I ignore it entirely. Other times I have confessed my attraction, but only in the way past tense like, “Three years ago, I was TOTALLY into you but now I just think of you as a cousin.”
Ideally, I prefer to just say when I’m feeling crush-y. Admitting to sexy feelings in a non-sexual relationship is super-awkward however; once it’s all out there, we can do helpful things like putting boundaries in place that will help protect both the friendship and our relationships with our respective sexual/romantic partners.*
Occasionally I find myself sexually attracted to people who are not men. But (with a couple exceptions) friendship often diminishes my sexual feelings, instead of triggering them. The intimacy of friendship translates to an attraction that is often very physical, but in way that has nothing to do with my nether parts.
*Except The Man of Mans. I told him I was attracted to him so we could put boundaries in place that helped us date, have sex and get married.