13
Feb 2013

Dating, Mating and Breaking “The Rules” (Post by request)

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I’m sure Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein, authors of the infamous dating manual The Rules, are swell gals. If I ever have the chance to meet them, I’d love to go shopping with them. At the drugstore. For Advil. Because while their intentions are no doubt good, their philosphy about dating, marriage and relationships make my head pound with dismay and anger.

Recently, the Ottawa Citizen republished an interview with the co-authors. The original Rules sold over 2 million copies worldwide and Fein and Schneider have written an update volume, The New Rules: Dating Dos and Dont’s For The Digital Generation. I read their first book way back when and throbbing temples ensued. After reading the Citizen piece (shout out to reader Christopher for sending it my way), I think it’s best that I stay for away from the sequel, lest I suffer a stroke.

To be fair, not everything that Fein and Schneider suggest make my heart hurt. Apparently there’s a chapter called “Don’t Sext or Send a Guy Anything You Wouldn’t Want Him To Have If You Broke Up”. On the surface that seems like pretty sensible advice, though I don’t see why it needs to be gender specific.

But apparently The Rules are all about the gender specifics (and binary). The things men do. The things women do. The things women should do to get with men. According to Fein ““Women can chase apartments and jobs, but not men. It’s biology.”

The sum total of my scientific expertise is exactly zero. But I’m pretty sure that distorting your personally preferred courtship rituals into The Way That All Women Are does not biology make. It’s lazy persuasion. It’s a way of trying to convince readers that they should accept the methods proposed in The Rules without question because “Hey, biology! That’s a kind of science. No one can dispute science!”

Except it’s not science and I DO dispute it.

The interview with the authors are jammed packed with inflammtory quotes, like the following:

“We know what works with men,” says Schneider, with a shrug. “Oh, never go Dutch. Even if he has no money and you have a mansion he should take you out for pizza”.

Imma need some Extra-Strength Tylenol, stat.

“If a woman does what she wants — whether talking to a guy or eating a piece of cake — it is the antithesis of discipline,” Schneider says. “Many women are doing what they want and failing miserably, having one-night stands and so on. 

Can someone please massage my temples?

“Work can only make you so happy,” Schneider claims. “Women want to be fulfilled by a partner and children. Take that away and they’re devastated.”

Fuck extra strength. I need some maximum strength painkilling action right now, because I cannot even!

The article goes to on to descibe the new rules. Advice about how 20-year-old women should wait one hour to respond to a text. 50-year-old women should wait four hours. Unless it’s night time, in which case they shouldn’t respond at all. And never booty calls. Also, women should make it look like you have a fabulous life…because more important for a guy to think we enjoy your lives than it is for us to, you know, actually enjoy our lives.

Also this:

“We tell women a man is not your friend. Until he proposes he has the power to hurt you by never calling, by sleeping with you and never calling. Men can be cruel, not because they want to be — they just don’t love you.”

QUA?

It’s not just the outmoded approach to dating or a commodity model of sex Fein and Schneider’s rules that are breaking my brain. It’s also this bullshit assumption that at their core, men are assholes.

Maybe Fein and Scheinder have encountered a disproportionate number of mean men in their life? Because the notion that men are just hardwired for cruelty and not loving people? Is ludicrous and offensive.

And can we talk about the logic being applied here? Fein and Schneider  are basically saying to women, “Men are cruel. Men do not really love you. If you make yourself vulnerable, men will hurt you. You need to protect yourself emotionally by using our patented set of passive aggressive courtship tactics in order to maintain the upper hand. If you do it right, you will be successful in getting these men to marry you.”

Which, okay but they haven’t answered one burning question:

Why do women want to marry these men? You know, the cruel ones who are one ill-timed text away from crushing their hearts.

For reals, yo? Why am I trying to Rules my way into a lifetime commitment with someone I don’t trust? Why on earth should women – or anyone – waste their time and energy monitoring the intervals between text messages, cultivating illusions of a fabulous life, denying themselves sexual pleasure all to wind up married to someone they can’t be real with?

Fein and Schneider are self-proclaimed feminists. And because I’m not Queen of the Feminists*, I can’t deny their claim. But if we were chillin’ and shopping for drugs, I might point out that telling women, get married is an accomplishment can be problematic. I don’t object to marriage per se. In fact, I’m in one myself. But treating a wedding as the ultimate gal goal suggests that women always have more value if they’re married. It also places a disproportionate importance of the act of getting married versus the reality of the relationship. And the reality is, that if you’re going to share your life with each other, sooner or later The Rules go out the window. True colours always shine through. And I firmly believe that in order for a long-term relationship to work the people involved have to really see and accept one another as they truly are.

So yeah, I can hang with these gals but I won’t be reading their latest without a full supply of analgesics. But I would love to hear from you. Are you familiar with The Rules? What do you think? What are some of your tried and true dating tips?

*I kind of wish I was Queen of the Feminists

 

 

Categories: Books, Dating, Sex, Suckpants Tags: , , , , , ,
18
Dec 2012

A Few Good Links

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While I’m taking it easy over here, I thought I’d share some of the fun, funny, thought-provoking and sexy things I’ve been enjoying on the intarbets!

Thanks to some inventive fundraising, Cards Against Humanity raised dough to purchase oodles of condoms and buckets of boar sperm. (They didn’t, though.)

Cliff says “…it’s easy– especially in areas as private and emotionally loaded as sex–to have a totally skewed idea of what everyone else is doing, and to try to conform to that skewed idea,”  and other stuff that makes a whole lot of sense to me.

I’d love to be a sex educator for parents and kids. Like The Mama Sutra!

I hear tell that some folks think we’re all going to die in a fiery inferno this weekend. That’s probably not true, but if Armageddon does come to pass, 25% of men will regret that they didn’t have more sex.

This spoken word piece on fatherhood is super dope!

I have a new Internet/blog friend! Annie is a wise, witty wordsmith and her blog, The Belle Jar is a treasure trove of feminist musings.

A mega-sized coffee table book of photography and graphic art from The Golden Age Of Porn? YES, PLEASE!

This article about perceptions of black sexuality in the U.S. fascinates me.

Hands up if you love The Lingerie Addict as much as I do!

Before I jet, I just want to say thank you everyone who commented, Tweeted or e-mailed with well-wishes after last week’s post. I’ve read all of them several times over and I feel very blessed to be part of  such a supportive community of friends. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

 

Categories: Body Image, Books, Community, Fashion, Feminism, Friends, Fun Stuff, Health, Porn, Sex Tags: , , , , ,
12
Dec 2012

My Favourite Things: Feminist Ryan Gosling

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I know, I know. I’ve already touted the gender egalitarian hawtness of Feminist Ryan Gosling. But  it turns out that FRG the tumblr was just the beginning. Get ready to swoon, bibliophiles!

 

IT’S A BOOK!!!!

According to reviews, author and queen of clever, Danielle Henderson has created a whack of new content, garnished it with the best of the website and bound it into a single volume of brain-porn! I’m excited. And by excited, I mean that I now know what to get for all those fabulous feminist on my gift list.

And by excited, I also mean that I have happy feelings…in my pants.

 

 

 

Categories: Books, Feminism, Fun Stuff, My Favourite Things Tags: , , ,
27
Nov 2012

Reflections On Number 11: Blog Hop and a Preview Of Things To Come

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Image by Tim Geers

Number 11 of my 40 Before 40 is: Write a book.

Shelley Taylor is, amongst other things, a champion of sex-positivity, the founder of Venus Envy and an all-around superb human being. She’s also the creator of Pass The Herpes, an awesome blog that discourages stigma by encouraging people who live with genital herpes to share their stories.

Shelley asked me to participate in a blog hop.  It’s similar to a chain letter, except instead of correspondence, each blogger answers a series of questions about their book. Vain woman that I am, I lept at the chance to write an entirely self-focused entry about my book. Then I remembered that I haven’t written a book…unless you count my  NaNoWriMo endeavour from 2005, which you absolutely should not because it’s utterly dreadful.

So, no book yet; however it is on my list of things to do before I hit the big 4-0. So consider these answers a preview of my future literary endeavours.

What is the work­ing title of your next book?

The Talk: How to speak to kids about sex and what to say.

How did the idea come about for this book?

A few months ago, I found myself on the periphery of some controversy about a local museum exhibit designed to teach youth about sexuality. I thought it was fantastic presentation. Critics of the exhibit feared it was too explicit. Time and again, I was confronted by the argument that kids should learn about sex from their parents, not from a public institution. I disagree that sexuality and sexual health should be exempt from public education spaces. However, I total support the ideal that parents, guardians, grandparents, aunts, uncles and other caring family members can be an integral part of a young person’s sex education.

Unfortunately, most caring, conscientious parent-types don’t have easy access to comprehensive information about sex. Even basic stuff, like using lube or dentals dams as part of safer sex practices are things I only learn about through my work. People can’t and  shouldn’t have to become professional educators to access to the information their kids need. I thought to myself, “Self, what can you do to change this?”

My answer?  Start by offering advice on how to talk to youth about sex but follow up by giving them all the accurate knowledge to share.

What genre does your book fall under?

Sexual Health. Or Sexuality Education. Or Nadine Is Determined Not To Be The Only Parent Whose Kid Who Yells “Ovaries” In Public.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

A movie version of a non-fiction book about sex? Balls-out awesome!

LeVar Burton because he would bring the ‘Reading Rainbow’-style, educator cred. My friends Kate and Natalie Joy who are both fantastic actors and fantastic parents. And finally, Sir Ian McKellen because then the Oscar nomination’s in the bag.

The one sentence rendition of your book

Teach yourself how to teach your kids about sex.

Will the book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Since we’re dealing in hypotheticals, let’s assume I’ll get picked up by a big-time publisher. Let’s also assume they’ll give me a big, fat advance which I will use to secure my retirement and to buy Fluevogs.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

It took me a few days to solidify the concept for the first manuscript. I suspect writing it might take a little longer.

What other books would you com­pare this to within your genre?

That’s the thing. I haven’t come across any other books quite like this in the genre. There are books that give advice on how parents can talk to their kids about sex but I haven’t found any that also include a lot of factual information.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Every moment during a class or training module or workshop that made me think, ‘Wow. I wish I’d learned this when I was twelve.’

What else might pique the reader’s interest about your book.

Sexually transmitted infections are fascinating – fascinating, I tell you!  My book will include a comprehensive chart listing all the STI’s, their symptoms, their effects and known treatments. It will also include some sort of fancy-pants legend. It’s seriously going to blow your mind!

Now hop along to:

Danielle Writes 642 Things

My dear friend Danielle wears many hats. She’s an author, a poet, a mother, a partner and a stand up comic. She was a fixture in Ottawa’s spoken word community until life whisked her away to Seattle. Settling into a new home while raising two young children and nuturing one’s artistic career would be more than enough to keep most people busy. But Danielle is not most people ( I suspect she has secret powers). Inspired by the book 642 Things To Write About, Danielle has made it her mission to write 642 things in 642 days.  If you want a glimpse into the extraordinary mind of a woman living an extraordinary life, check out Danielle and her blog – immediately, if not sooner!

 

 

 

Categories: Books, Community, Friends, Genitalia, Health, Media, My 40 Before 40, Parenting, Sex Tags: , , , ,
24
Oct 2012

My Favourite Things: Blissdom

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This past weekend I hopped the train for Toronto and Blissdom, Canada’s marquis social media conference for women.

Stepping and repeating with fellow blogger, Julie Harrison.

I expected a lot from the event.  Industry experts sharing tips and tricks of trade. Lots of chatty time with interesting people doing interesting things. Scads of swag. And the weekend didn’t disappoint. Blissdom gave me everything I’d been expecting…and something I wasn’t.

I was not expecting the sexy.

That’s right. Blissdom gave me warm, tingly conference feels thanks to a couple of  outstanding famous people encounters! Though techincally my first encounter wasn’t with a person; it was with several! A magnificent team in hot pink representing my favourite menstrual product: Diva Cup!

I had no idea Diva Cup was one of the conference sponsors, so when I happened upon their booth I went full-fledged fangirl, gushing and squeeing to everyone within earshot about how ZOMG! DIVA CUPS ARE THE BEST EVAR and EEEEE! I LURVE THEM THE MOST!

What can I say?  Diva Cups warrant unbridled enthusiasm.

This is what a fangirl looks like!

Later the same day, I joined my fellow conferencees for some post-lunch guest speaking. The first person to grace the stage was none other than Q host and secret celebrity crush, Jian Ghomeshi!

He spoke to us about growing up as the lone Iranian kid in Thornhill, a decidedly non-Iranian suburb of Toronto. The memories he shared were the inspiration for his recently released memoir, 1982. His stories and the excerpts he read delighted the audience and propelled my crush to new soaring heights!

After the speaking, Ghomeshi The Witty And Handsome stuck around for meeting, greeting and book signing. Of course, I nabbed a copy and got my smitten ass in line. Not wanting a repeat of my Diva Cup flail, I tried to think of clever things I would say when my turn came up.

Hi, Jian. What a coincidence! You grew up in Thornhill. My name is Thornhill!  What?! No!.

Hi, Jian. Do you know that you and my partner went to the same high school? Which would be interesting if The Man of Mans were here instead of me.

Hi, Jian. Remember that time you were in Moxy Fruvous and did that bitchin’ cover of ‘Green Eggs And Ham’? For the love of pants, brain, I said clever! Think of clever things to say!

But thinking time was over. I was at the front of line, face to face with the man who’s interviewing genius makes me weak in the knees.

“Hello, Nadine,” he said warmly, before I had a chance to speak.

Holy balls!  I thought, Jian Ghomeshi knows who I am!

A  moment later I realized that Jian Ghomeshi knows how to read name tags. I was wearing a big one clipped on the breast pocket of my jacket. But it felt like he knew who I was. And that friendly familiar greeting brought me frantic fan to feeling relaxed and comfortable.

He asked what I did and what had brought me to Blissdom. When I told him I was sex educator, he eagerly insisted I tune in on Monday to hear his conversation with Junot Diaz, who’s most recent short-story collection is about love, relationships and sexy stuffs. I also mentioned the interview he had done with Dr. Ruth earlier this summer.

“Yeah. I still have to go on my date with her,” he told me. I didn’t know which one I envied more, Jian or the good doctor.

He asked if I’d like to take a picture together. “Sure,” I replied in my best I-have-my-picture-taken-with-brilliant-good-looking-people-all-the-time voice.

A moment of bliss!

 

I said thank you and good-bye. A few minutes later, I sat down to check out my 100% authentic Jian Ghomeshi signature. I thought I’d only see the scrawl of his name on the inside cover. Instead I read this:

For Nadine,

Please understand it’s critical but loving words on Thornhill

Yours (with a smile),

Jian Ghomeshi

Thornhill represent!

Yep. Blissdom definitely exceeded my expectations. :-)

 

 

Categories: Books, Community, Crushes, Health, My Favourite Things, Social Media Tags: , , , , , , , ,
09
Oct 2012

Return to Sweet Valley High

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Oh my god, peeps. Me and my inner 10-year-old have to tell you something! Guess which seminal 1980s teen fiction series was just re-released electronically with – HOLY BALLS – orginal cover art?

 

That’s right! SWEET VALLEY HIGH!!!!!

I’m guessing that some of you – the ones from my cohort at least – also grew up with Sweet Valley’s blonde protagonists Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield. For those of you who are all ‘Sweet Valley High? WTF?’ let me break it down, Coles Notes style.

(For those of you who are all ‘Coles Notes? WTF?’ they were short books that summarized longer books. The Wikipedia of its time.)

Sweet Valley High were a series of young adult novels written by Francine Pascal.  They chronicle the scintaliating escapades of  eponymous Southern California school’s junior class. The main characters are sixteen-year-old twin sisters Elizabeth and Jessica. Liz and Jess are described in every book as having shoulder length blonde-hair, flashing blue-green eyes, “perfect” skin and “perfect” figures. They also have perfect parents, a perfect, super-studly older brother and they all live together in their perfect ranch-style, California back-split.

The twins are virtually indistinguishable in terms of their frequently lauded physical perfection They’re personalities, however; are completely opposite.

Pro-tip: Elizabeth always rocks the barrettes.

Jess is top dog at the sorority. Liz is editor of the newspaper. Liz has a steady boyfriend. Jess is a serial dater. Jess is self-absorbed and kind of a jerk sometimes. Liz is also a self-centered pain in the ass but in a super-condescending, pseudo-altruistic way that my fifth-grade brain interpreted as “nice”.

Sweet Valley High is populated by cavalcade of teenage characters. Winston Egbert – the token geek. Bruce Patman – the wealthy, attractive douchebag. Lila Fowler – the wealthy, attractive douchebag that’s a girl. Regina Morrow – the hearing impaired, ethereal beauty and perpetual victim. Lois Waller – the fat girl whom Jess torments and Liz patronizes. Todd Wilkins – all American dream-hunk and Elizabeth’s steady.

If you’ve never experienced SVH, my sniderey must make the series sound awful.  It kind of was. But I didn’t think so at the time. As a kid, Sweet Valley High was a fascinating peek into what I assumed life would be in a few short years when I began high school.

The Sweet Valley Teens were glamourous! They drove cars. They hung out at The Dairi Burger after school.  They went on spring break trips to Malibu and Cannes!  Once Elizabeth was in a motoycycle accident and wound up in a coma. Then she came to and she was a full-on Jessica – all scheme-y and conniving! The drama was epic and awesomesauce.

Is spring break even a thing in high school? Why is Liz’s guidebook only three pages long?

In book number two – Secrets – Bruce Patman is making out with Jessica at a pool party AND UNDOES HER BIKINI TOP UNDER THE WATER! Let me tell you, when I first read that, it the effect of straight up porn. And I wanted to read more. Which I did.

Francine Pascale’s books explored many things most of the adults in my life weren’t discussing with me. They likely assumed I was too young to be curious about romance, relationships or sex. Meanwhile, I was dying to know. Sweet Valley High felt like an answer to many of my questions. I devoured them like literary candy. And like candy, the short-term experience was delicious but the long-term effects were less than healthy. In retrospect, I internalized a lot of what I read in those books as truth.

SVH confirmed my long held suspicions that blonde was the epitome of beautiful. The less you resembled that “perfect” sun-kissed protoypte, the less beautiful you were.

I learned that “good” kids had perfect homes and harmonious family dynamics, while the bad teens were the product of dysfunctional environments.

No one liked the fat girls, the quiet girls or the girls who dressed in brown. And they certainly didn’t like themselves.

Don’t despair, Lynne. Liz and her barrettes of righteousness are here for you!

The worthy girls had boyfriends who chose them. The other girls sat on the sidelines feeling envious and ugly.

Good girls had relationships but not sex. Sex was for the bad girls. Their promiscuity – and their bold taste in lipstick – is how you knew they were bad!

Thinking back to the girl I was, I can’t help but wonder how Sweet Valley High would have affected my concept of sex, relationships and body image  if I’d also been getting information from more reliable, less sensational sources.  Of course the older, wiser people around me -my teachers, my parents, my family – had my best interests at heart. It can be difficult for a full-fledged adult to look at fifth-grade girl and see someone on the road to becoming an adult.  Ten is very young. But at ten I was already maturing. Puberty had already started changing my body with the beginnings of  hips, breasts and pubic hair. I was feeling the stir of hormones and my first period was mere months away.

Young people look ahead and think ahead. Kids are intrigued by grown up stuff. It’s where they’re going. Time moves quickly. And while we in our society tend to relegate sex to an exclusively adult domain, I suspect that like me, many begin to ponder their sexuality and sexual expression long before they become sexually active. It’s a big part of the reason that I support open, age-appropriate discussion with youth. When I was ten I wanted to know what being grown-up might be like. How did dating work? What would kissing like? How was I to behave, dress and express myself as a woman?  No one around me was talking about these things. So I turned to Sweet Valley High. And as thrilling as my beloved books were, many of the answers they gave me were wrong.

Nonetheless, I’m still squeeing with excitement and looking forward to my return to Sweet Valley High. I suspect my inner 10-year-old will be every bit as enamoured with Liz, Jess  and the gang as she ever was. But this time, she’ll have the benefit of an outer 37-year-old who can help her separate what’s fact from what’s fiction.

 

 

Categories: Books, Media, Sex, Suckpants Tags: , , ,
03
Oct 2012

My Favourite Things: Steve Almond

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EAT ALL THE CANDY!

You know what I love? Sugar. And candy. And sugary candy.

And though this is a post about one of my favourite things, it is not a post about candy. Though it does make me supremely happy. I would eat it more – almost exclusively, if I could. Unfortunately, my doctor has recommended that I cut waaaay back on the sweetstuffs, lest I develop troublesome conditions such as diabetes or dying.

So my intention is to keep my super-sweet indulgences to a minimum. I will miss them. Still, I have the cherished memory of the that in high school when I discharged an entire can of whipped cream into a mixing bowl and ate it while watching The Three Amigos. It was infinitely more pleasurable than the first time I had intercourse.

Fortunately, I’ve become better at sex since my first attempt. Good enough that substituting sugar lust with actual lust seems like a viable strategy when cravings hit.*  Rather than gobble up a bag of green apple licorice (*drools*), I’ll try devouring some of my favourite book porn. And who better to read than my literary crush and fellow candyphile, Steve Almond.

When I read Steve Almond’s book  Candyfreak: A Journey Through America’s Chocolate Underbelly , he immediately secured place in my heart. Initially my adoration was strcitly platonic; the kind of love you feel for someone who is clearly your kindred spirit. Reading Candyfreak was like reading my own brain. I finished the book and I was so sad to learn that Almond lives in Massachusetts which made it unlikely that we would cross paths. What the hell good is a kindred spirit that you’ll never meet?

Later I learned that Steve Almond writes a kinds of stuff. Like erotic short fiction. Like really, really, good erotic fiction. Feelings were stirred. To date one, my favourite piece of Almond-smut is Slippy For President. It’s word-porn with a quintessentially nerdy protagonist that does magnificent things to my most private parts! Dude is one sexy mofo!

His novel Which Brings Me To You (Co-Authored with Julianna Baggott – the lucky gal!) is the kind smart, contemporary romance of my dreams!

Steve Almond knows Susie Bright. Knowing Susie Bright instantly gives you 10 extra sexy point in my book.

So yeah, cutting back on the sugar will be a challenge. Fortunately, I’ve got the sweet words of Steve Almond to soothe my withdrawal symptoms. Meanwhile, if you’re not familiar with his work, I suggest check out some Almond-joy as soon as possible. He will rock your pants…or lack thereof!

*Speaking of lust, things have definitely improved since last week’s post - thank for all the great advice, peeps!

Categories: Books, Crushes, My Favourite Things, Porn Tags: , , , , ,
28
Sep 2012

Fashion Friday: Defining My Style

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I’ve raved about Sally McGraw before…and I’ll do it again, damnit! Sally’s philosophies about style and body image are eminently worthy of repeat praise. And thanks to social media Sally has become one of my new Internet pals!*

Sally’s blog, Already Pretty is a daily favourite of mine. When I learned she’d written a book of the same name, you best believe I got my order in right quick.

The book!

Sally’s philosophy is all about self-acceptance and celebrating the body you have exactly the way it is. Her book helps the reader identify and craft a style all their own. I’m not looking to do a complete wardrobe overhaul – though the book would be tremendously helpful if I were – but I do feel due for a style tune-up. I’m also in for some fun. The Already Pretty process means thinking about my clothes, writing about my clothes, talking photos of my clothes, dressing up and playing with my clothes!  It may not sound like fun to some of you but for me that’s a balls-out barrel of monkeys!

The first phase of the process is about defining my current style. It involves activities such as assembling photos of recent outfits and pondering questions about which clothing brands I favour  and what motivates me to shop.

Fashion Friday: A retrospective in collage.

I also had to come up with a list of at  least ten words to describing my style. I went into this task all hubris-like. Hel-LO?! I’m a writer!  Plus I own Schoolhouse Rock on DVD and I’ve seen the one about adjectives about a million times now. I was gonna rock this out!

Immediately I wrote “colourful”, followed by “feminine”. Next was…um….

Um….

The whole assignment ground to a near-halt as I tried to convince myself that “houndstoothy” IS TOO AN ADJECTIVE and that surely there’s a word describing “clothes that aren’t slacks”.**

What I lack in ability I make up for in FONTS!

Eventually, I found ten, non-made up adjectives…but it took some doing. The last word I came up with was unfocused. This exercise made me realize while I definitely know what I like, I don’t always understand the why. My style isn’t entirely cohesive, which is fine but I’m curious to see what common elements emerge as I continue Sally’s process.

All this pondering and adjectifying*** is being documented in my style journal/iPad.  I got myself a simple notebook app and bam! I can type, handwrite, sketch and paste photos into one neat, tidy, paperless place. Plus it will be super easy to take with my when I go shopping.

And I will be shopping….

Duly noted!

 

You can read Already Pretty, the blog, here.! You can buy Already Pretty, the book here!

 

 

*In real life friendship pending. Alls I need’s airfare to Minneapolis, yo!

** There may be but the word is definitely not “skirty”. I know because I looked it up.

*** Just let me have that one, okay?

Categories: Body Image, Books, Fashion, Fashion Friday Tags: , , , , , ,
06
Sep 2012

Picture Books

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Photo by quinn.anya

My new friends at Get Lusty wanted to know about some of my favourite sexy books. The answer to that question is more challenging than it seems. When it comes to choosing smutty reads, my top picks change according to my mood, my libido and what’s going on in my life at the time.

Lately I’ve been spending most of my days studying, scriptwriting and blogging. As much I enjoy the work (except maybe the studying), I find I need a bit of a break from words once downtime rolls around. That’s probably why I’ve been drawn to some of the more graphic volumes on my bookshelf these days. Books full of sexy pictures boost my mojo, while giving my eyeballs a much needed break from constant left to right scanning

These three books all contain wonderful bits of text, but it’s the pretty, pretty pictures that have put these titles at the top of my list:

Ars Erotica: An Arousing History Of Erotic Art by Edward Lucie-Smith

I acquired this book quite by accident when I was producing a play for The Ottawa Fringe Festival. The story took place in a fictional sex shop and cast mate brought it in to help dress our set. After the run was over, I inherited the book and it’s lived on my bookshelf ever since.

Ars Erotica documents various depictions of human sexuality throughout time and across cultures. Each chapter focuses on a different theme, ranging from sex and spirituality, to outdoor sex to erotic pain.  It’s a full colour volume, brimming with spectacular works of art. History buffs will certainly enjoy reading about the historical significance of erotica through the ages . As for me, I’m all about oogling page after page of sculpture, paintings and photographs!

Do It Yourself  by Ume Ommer

Do It Yourself  is a big, beautiful coffee table book full of big, beautiful photographs. Ommer is a big deal photographer in Europe having had exhibits in some of France’s best known galleries. According to the preface, he and his partner came home one night to find their child asleep and the babysitter snapping Polarids of herself in the bathroom mirror, wearing nothing but Mme. Ommer’s high heels.

What you or I might call a supremely awkward moment, Ommer saw as inspiration. He equiped a group of inexperienced photographers with a camera, a set of basic instructions and set them loose to do their own erotic self portraits. The results range from sultry to playful to downright goofy.  It’s a hella fun book to flip throug and one that turns me on every time I look at it.  The last third of the book is a kind of postcard diary/photo essay of the inspirational babysitter. Based on her writing, the woman strikes me as kind of a wackadoo, but in a fun way that might involve wearing wigs and eating cupcakes while watching America’s Next Top Model nude.

Small Favours: A Girly Porno Comic by Colleen Coover

Small Favours is actually several girly porno comics – a series of eight graphic novels – and they are absolutely delightful!

The protagonist, Annie has a near insatiable sex drive. She just can’t stop masturbating! Her conscience appears in the form of an uptight queen to reprimand her. Since Annie can’t be trusted to keep her hands out of her pants, she’s saddled with a six-inch, blonde-haired guardian named Nibbl.  There’s just one small problem…Nibbl is even more of a horn-dog than Annie! Annie and Nibbl quickly fall in lust, in love and spend the rest of the series having the dirty, silly, wonderful sex in almost every panel.

I adore this series. It’s sex-positive, optimistic and cute as hell. For reals, I can’t think of any other book that makes me want to go “Awwww,” and touch myself at the same time.

How about you? Do you have any erotic favourites on your bookshelf? Comments are open, so feel free to share!

 

 

Categories: Books, Fun Stuff Tags: , , , , , ,
04
Sep 2012

Up And Coming: Back-To-School Edition!

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Don’t let Ottawa’s buttoned-up exterior fool you. This here government town has got lots of HAWT happening, you just have to know where to find it.  Here’s a list of some cool, sexy events coming up in the nation’s capital.

 

September 5th

Trivia Night

What better way to kick off the start of the school year than by testing your knowledge! The Pride Centre and the GSAÉD are hosting a trivia night…and rumour has it there are prizes. 19 + event.

Time: Doors at 8:00. Trivia begins at 8:30

Place: 1848 Pub

Cost: N/A

September 7th

Women’s Queer Social

It’s Ladies’ Night! The evening begins with a delightful meet up over hot beverages at Second Cup followed by dancing at The Lookout you that The Lookout may require 2 piece of ID. Second Cup meet up is all-ages and The Lookout is 19+

Time: Coffee – 7:30. Dancing – 9:30.

Place: Second Cup at 171 Rideau Street.

Cost: Second Cup – Free. Lookout – possible cover.

September 9th

Fight For Life: A Fundraiser

Experience the excitement as students of Western Martial arts do battle, tournament style! Proceeds support the Youth Services Bureau’s participation in the AIDS Walk For Life. BBQ lunch available by donation

Time: 10 a.m. – 4 p.m.

Place: Hintonburg Park

Cost: By donation.

September 10th

The Naughty Bits Book Club

Ottawa’s smuttiest book club is back! Come discuss the finer points of Curvy Girls, an erotic anthology edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Tea and cupcakes will be served!

Time: 6:30 p.m.

Place: Venus Envy

Cost: Free.

September 13th

The FIRST Capital Variety Show!

This is Ottawa history in the making. Sexy burlesquers and sideshow inspired performers join forces to bring you a night of entertainment unlike anything our town has seen! 19+

Time: 9:00 p.m.

Place: Babylon

Cost: $10

September 15th

Ottawa AIDS Walk For Life

The 22nd annual event to raise funds for local organizations that provide HIV/AIDS related services in our community. Join the walk, raise funds or sponsor a local agency!*

Time: 5:00

Place: Marion Dewer Plaza – Ottawa City Hall

Cost: Free.

*(Unashamedly biased endorsement: Support Team PPO!)

Ottawa Slowdance Night’s Teacher Student Edition!

Get close and sway to the rhythm and this special installment of Ottawa’s coziest dance party! Come dressed in back to school garb and received $2 off the cover.

Time: 9:00 p.m.

Place: Raw Sugar

Cost: $10. ($8 with costume)

 

Categories: Activism, Books, Burlesque, Community, Planned Parenthood
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