I love me some awards shows. The red carpet fashion! The musical numbers! The obligatory montages based on obscure themes! I love The Grammys, The Tonys, The Globes and The AMAs. But more than any other, I love that Grand Pubah of Pageantry, The Star Studliest of Ceremonies, The Ultimate Entertainment Industry Wankfest…The Academy Awards!
Except this year I missed it. I was on a plane back from the west coast with no access to television or a live feed. Sadness and woe!
I’ve spent a good part of this week ooohing over pictures of the red carpet hits. And I’m sorely disappointed by the lack of a Bjork swan-dress-level miss. I’ve seen Jennifer Lawrence’s unceremonious fall up the Oscar stairs and HOLY CATS I AM CRUSHING ON HER SO HARD NOW!
I’ve also caught some snippets of Seth MacFarlane’s hosting. I haven’t seen the complete broadcast, it’s entirely possible that I don’t have proper context, so I’m hoping someone can fill me in. Because based on what I have seen, it seems like dude had a whole lotta douchery going on. For example, what was up with this?
Apparently Mr. MacFarlane likes boobs. I do too. I just don’t like them so much that I’d do a joyful song and dance about awesome it was seeing Jodie Foster bare chested in a brutal rape scene from The Accused.
I also caught MacFarlane’s jab bit about Quvenzhané Wallis and George Clooney. Is this what we’re doing now? Making pedophile jokes at the expense of a nine-year-old kid, while she’s sitting in the room? (While we’re on this subject, I’m also giving you some serious cut-eye, The Onion).
Also this one-liner. “Django is a movie where a woman is subjected to violence, or as we call it, a Chris Brown and Rihanna date movie.”
Where there other sentences around this one? Some thoughtful but wry observations that made this comment something other than laughing at partner abuse.
I know hosting the Oscars must comes with a shit ton of pressure. It’s not an easy thing to keep an event rolling along while entertaining the masses. And the Academy Awards draw some pretty major masses. I can understand why MacFarlane or any comedian would want to arm themselves with a bit of shocking, edgy material. But I personally, I find shocking and edgy funniest when it served with some nuanced, absurd observations. The song about movie boobs felt juvenile. The Clooney and Rhianna jokes felt less like humour and more like a guy being mean.
That’s what I think. What did you think? Were there bits of hosting gold that redeemed these less than stellar moments? What montages did I miss? Who is your Oscars dream host?
Let’s conclude this post on a high note. Here’s my secret celebrity girlfriend, Jennifer Lawrence, being adorable and all kinds of funny in her post-win interview: