Every Friday I ask you a question of the week. You can answer often, occasionally or not at all. If you have something to say but you’re feeling shy, you’re always welcome to comment anonymously.

Have you ever had an animal intrude on your sexy times?

Growing up, I had a cat named Pudding. While the name was evocative of a soft, gentle soul Pudding was in fact, a big, black territorial brute.  He was ruthlessly possessive of his turf and his people. One day, I was in our basement getting cozy with my then-boyfriend on the couch. Pudding the Cat was curled up on the nearby La-Z-Boy. To the uninitiated visitor he appeared to be sleeping but I knew he was doing feline surveillence, keeping an eye and both ears fixed on the intruder that was kissing me.

Eventually the smooching led to some handsy business. I was into it. Pudding The Cat was not. Despite being well into his senior years, he made a deft leap from his lurking spot over to the couch. He stalked over to my boyfriend, glaring at him with menace.

“I think you’ve made an enemy,” I told my partner in second base.

“Nah,” my boyfriend replied “I don’t think so. I’m good with animals.”

“Well he’s not good with people. Let’s just go up to my room.”

He was never one to back down from a challenge, that old boyfriend of mine. He was convinced his good-with-animal ways could appease my affronted pet. He reached out with one hand and scratched Pudding behind the ear. (Note: In my memory that gesture happens in slow motion, while I cry out “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”)

What happened next was an angry cat screech and a blurr of black as Pudding went ninja cat all over my boyfriend. Working with alarming efficiency, Pudding was the victor after only ten seconds of combat. My poor ex was bleeding from a dozen scratches to the arm.  Satisfied that the sexy mood between us was good and dead, Pudding gave a final glare before running upstairs to pester my dad for table scraps.

“I hate your fucking cat,” my boyfriend growled.  I couldn’t blame him. But I had warned him. Pudding the Cat…not good with people.

 

Comments

  1. MC says:

    My cat is the same as your dear Pudding. I’ve had to lock her in the bathroom a few times and she disliked the last man friend so much that he is now permanently scarred.

  2. Jan says:

    Cats: Lazy, yet aggressive.

    I wanted to put a link here for my favorite cat cartoon (it showed Pavlov running towards his cat who was ringing a bell) but I can’t find it.

  3. Desi says:

    When my husband and I first started dating, my cat, Minou, jumped on the bed and chomped down on his foot at an…awkward time. that was the first time she’d ever bit anyone. 😀

  4. Molly says:

    My cats love the game of “What’s that under the covers? Catch it and kill it!” My cats also LOVE sleeping on the bed, and if allowed to, they will spend the entire day there. They are not allowed to be in the bedroom without supervision, because that’s where the poisonous houseplants and gerbil cage live, but also because that’s where sexy times happen. A feline fascination with things happening under the covers does not mix well with the sexy times. I sleep much better knowing that nobody is going to wake me up in the middle of the night with chomping or demands for food.

  5. alexis says:

    My dog intrudes on the bed a lot.

    He once stole a condom out of the trash and we had to chase him around the house and steal it from his mouth. :(