Every Friday I ask you a question of the week. You can answer often, occasionally or not at all. If you have something to say but you’re feeling shy, you’re always welcome to comment anonymously.
Have you ever had an animal intrude on your sexy times?
Growing up, I had a cat named Pudding. While the name was evocative of a soft, gentle soul Pudding was in fact, a big, black territorial brute. He was ruthlessly possessive of his turf and his people. One day, I was in our basement getting cozy with my then-boyfriend on the couch. Pudding the Cat was curled up on the nearby La-Z-Boy. To the uninitiated visitor he appeared to be sleeping but I knew he was doing feline surveillence, keeping an eye and both ears fixed on the intruder that was kissing me.
Eventually the smooching led to some handsy business. I was into it. Pudding The Cat was not. Despite being well into his senior years, he made a deft leap from his lurking spot over to the couch. He stalked over to my boyfriend, glaring at him with menace.
“I think you’ve made an enemy,” I told my partner in second base.
“Nah,” my boyfriend replied “I don’t think so. I’m good with animals.”
“Well he’s not good with people. Let’s just go up to my room.”
He was never one to back down from a challenge, that old boyfriend of mine. He was convinced his good-with-animal ways could appease my affronted pet. He reached out with one hand and scratched Pudding behind the ear. (Note: In my memory that gesture happens in slow motion, while I cry out “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”)
What happened next was an angry cat screech and a blurr of black as Pudding went ninja cat all over my boyfriend. Working with alarming efficiency, Pudding was the victor after only ten seconds of combat. My poor ex was bleeding from a dozen scratches to the arm. Satisfied that the sexy mood between us was good and dead, Pudding gave a final glare before running upstairs to pester my dad for table scraps.
“I hate your fucking cat,” my boyfriend growled. I couldn’t blame him. But I had warned him. Pudding the Cat…not good with people.