Every Friday I ask you a question of the week. You can answer often, occasionally or not at all. If you have something to say but you’re feeling shy, you’re always welcome to comment anonymously.

What personality traits do you find attractive in a partner?

Humour. Specifically wit and/or sarcasm. Banter is a powerful aphrodisiac.

I adore kind people. Not necessarily  a noble humanitarian type (though it’s swell if you are), just a sweet person who smiles at kids, thanks the bus driver and generally cares about other people’s feelings. That’s hot.

I love people with creative minds. To be clear, I don’t think creativity is a quality that only artistic people possess. The Man of Mans is very creative as a mathematician. The medium is less relevant than the incredible turn-on of person with an inventive, innovative, ‘I want to make stuff’ kind of mind.

People who own Roll Bounce on DVD. Which isn’t a personality trait but hey – the heart wants what it wants.


What personality traits are guaranteed to turn you off?

Arrogance. I know confidence is a good thing and I do like people who are authentically self-assured. But boasting? Kills my lady-boner every time.


  1. Desi says:

    1. silly people. can you laugh at yourself? can you play with kids (and become one yourself when you do)? i love people who can laugh and be weird. Bonus points for being silly in public and not giving any fucks.

    2. kind-hearted people. Like what you said. People who take note of others’ feelings and are genuinely good.

    3. aw, fuck it. i’m basically using everything in your list now anyway. creativity does give me a boner, though. The truth is, my husband is silly, kind-hearted AND super creative and I married the shit out of him for that!

    turn offs:

    1. insecurity. you beat up on yourself a lot or have a habit of doucheBRAGgery, aint nobody got time for that.

    2. closed-mindedness.

    3. this is a form of closed-mindedness to me, but adult super picky eaters actually freak me out. “I don’t like any vegetables except for corn and mashed potatoes. does tomato sauce on pizza count?” or “i only like 3 kinds of fruit.” when i was dating, I was like “what? i couldn’t hear you over the sound of my vagina going on emergency auto-lockdown.”

  2. Eric says:

    I think, weighted differently, they all apply to any people I want to spend time with, really.

    What personality traits do you find attractive in a partner?

    Being good at free-flowing conversation.
    Having at least a few strongly-held beliefs that they’ve come to by figuring themselves out.
    Being excitable by awesome things inside and outside their area of expertise.
    Humility mixed with positivity.
    Kindness and goodwill.
    Ability to be in an infectious good mood.
    Having a cadence and intensity of feeling and thinking that’s not too far from mine.

    What personality traits are guaranteed to turn you off?

    Tendency to dominate conversations, mansplain or be too loud.
    Small emotional range, wherever it is centred.
    Inscrutability, unless they can be fun about it.
    Unapologetic unreliability.
    Dogmatism — using some tropes of dogmatism with a wink or with openness can be fun, but humourless dogmatism: no, thanks.

  3. syrens says:

    Turn-On: Compassion, affection, and enthusiasm.
    Maybe it’s the geek in me, or maybe it’s the witch, but people who care about stuff, and people who care about PEOPLE, are hawt. Muddling through life, not giving a shit and not risking anything in the name of what matters to you (and I say this as someone who is damn terrified of risk-taking)… it’s discouraging and a bit of a put-off. Dancing through life with a fire in your belly – whether it’s about social justice or crafting or freaking pokemon – and giving your time and your energy to make your world a better place and to take care of the people who matter to you? That makes you fucking AWESOME in my world.

    Turn-Off: Greed and stinginess.
    Maybe that’s weird of me, given my own struggles with polyamoury (to love without greed, essentially), but there it is.
    Lovers who take and take and never give back the energy and effort and attention that’s offered… that sucks. Lovers who shy away from PDAs, who treat casual affection as something slightly weird or gross or socially inapropriate. I know it’s not for everyone, but for me? I’m a very affectionate woman. I need to be with people who *like* that trate and who share it.
    Sweethearts – and I say this as the owner of another person – who put their own needs and desires (and fears and insecurities) first, without any care or consideration of those that their beloveds might have… that’s pretty shitty behaviour, and rather careless (I say, even though I’ve done it a time or two. I’ve regretted it, and try not to do it any more).
    The expectation that someone will bend their life around your convenience, without their needing to be some kind of reciprocity involved — in my case, my Person will bend her life around my convenience but, in return, I have to consider her well-being, as well as my own, in order to not abuse the privilege of her flexibility.

    And there we go. Short. A tad simplistic, maybe. But it’s a start. :-)