Dear Santa Claus,

Whassup? Merry Christmas, seasons greetings, holiday cheer and all that rad stuff!

This past Saturday some cool peeps at the Adult Fun Superstore invited a group of local bloggers to check out their wares at an in-store Pandora Party.

I used to host similar workshops back in my sex store days, but I haven’t been to one in years so I was keen to see what’s new in the wonderful world of adult toyland.


Props to your sexy elves, Santa! There are quite a few items that have made my wishlist. Yes, I am a grown woman. Putting gift requests through your office at my age is unorthodox, to be sure. But The MoMs and I are instating holiday austerity measures in anticipation of some costly plans in the new year. That leaves you and my mom as gifting sources. I think we can both agree that you are by far the more appropriate option.

I think I’ve been pretty nice this year so here, for you consideration, is my naughty Christmas wish list.


1. Dickalicious Penis Arousal Gel

Saying the word “dickalicious” elevates my mood by at least 17%. As a person living with clinical depression, I cannot ignore the profound effect this product might have on my quality of life.

Also? I licked it and it is super-yum.

2. Dreamworlds Steelworks Plug


This is some beautiful, blinged out backside hardware. I’ve been wanting to experiment with accessories. Every moment in life – including anal -is an opportunity for style!

3. Lelo Luna Beads


Fact: I love me some Lelo toys

Fact: I love me some vaginal balls

Fact: If you bring these for me, Santa, I will be full of Christmas cheer, all year long!

4. Sportsheet Spreader Bar

Truthfully, I’d never considered playing with one but the moment I saw this, I desperately wanted it. The neoprene cuffs are so comfy! It doesn’t take a Freudian to understand why the thought of a hard steel rod between my legs is exciting.

So, in conclusion…

Please can I have a spreader bar? Please can I have a spreader bar? Please, please, please, pretty please, please please, PLEASE?

Yours sincerely,






  1. Amanda says:

    lovely. here’s my letter to Santa:

  2. syrens says:

    Thick wooden dowel + eye-bolts + cordless drill + optional spraypaint in the colour of your choosing = DIY spreader bar.
    Y’know. Just FYI. (You’ve got to provide your own ankle cuffs, though).