You know what I love? Sugar. And candy. And sugary candy.
And though this is a post about one of my favourite things, it is not a post about candy. Though it does make me supremely happy. I would eat it more – almost exclusively, if I could. Unfortunately, my doctor has recommended that I cut waaaay back on the sweetstuffs, lest I develop troublesome conditions such as diabetes or dying.
So my intention is to keep my super-sweet indulgences to a minimum. I will miss them. Still, I have the cherished memory of the that in high school when I discharged an entire can of whipped cream into a mixing bowl and ate it while watching The Three Amigos. It was infinitely more pleasurable than the first time I had intercourse.
Fortunately, I’ve become better at sex since my first attempt. Good enough that substituting sugar lust with actual lust seems like a viable strategy when cravings hit.* Rather than gobble up a bag of green apple licorice (*drools*), I’ll try devouring some of my favourite book porn. And who better to read than my literary crush and fellow candyphile, Steve Almond.
When I read Steve Almond’s book Candyfreak: A Journey Through America’s Chocolate Underbelly , he immediately secured place in my heart. Initially my adoration was strcitly platonic; the kind of love you feel for someone who is clearly your kindred spirit. Reading Candyfreak was like reading my own brain. I finished the book and I was so sad to learn that Almond lives in Massachusetts which made it unlikely that we would cross paths. What the hell good is a kindred spirit that you’ll never meet?
Later I learned that Steve Almond writes a kinds of stuff. Like erotic short fiction. Like really, really, good erotic fiction. Feelings were stirred. To date one, my favourite piece of Almond-smut is Slippy For President. It’s word-porn with a quintessentially nerdy protagonist that does magnificent things to my most private parts! Dude is one sexy mofo!
His novel Which Brings Me To You (Co-Authored with Julianna Baggott – the lucky gal!) is the kind smart, contemporary romance of my dreams!
Steve Almond knows Susie Bright. Knowing Susie Bright instantly gives you 10 extra sexy point in my book.
So yeah, cutting back on the sugar will be a challenge. Fortunately, I’ve got the sweet words of Steve Almond to soothe my withdrawal symptoms. Meanwhile, if you’re not familiar with his work, I suggest check out some Almond-joy as soon as possible. He will rock your pants…or lack thereof!
*Speaking of lust, things have definitely improved since last week’s post – thank for all the great advice, peeps!