Peeps, I could use some guidance.
As many of you know, I have an anxiety disorder. I also experience intermittent bouts of depression. Sometimes they barely affect me. Other times? It’s a combo-pack of suck. The anxiety stuff has been pretty acute for the past several weeks. I’ve been sleeping poorly. I’ve lost weight. I have the classic shortness of breath, accelerated heart beat and occasional flesh crawling ickiness thrown in. The other day, I got irrationally angry at a jar of pesto and briefly considered smashing it on the grocery store floor. Days later I still haven’t entirely forgiven it. Stupid pesto.
Virtually every task before me is cause for stress. My distorted mind goes OMG! THERE’S A MAJOR WORK RELATED PROJECT I HAVE TO COMPLETE! And OMG! I HAVE TO FILL OUT A FORM FOR PIZZA LUNCH! Also, OMG! I NEED TO WASH SOME TOWELS! I know it’s anxiety because my rational brain doesn’t ever all caps about towels.
I also know it’s anxiety because my libido has been MIA.
It’s okay not to want to have sex. But this isn’t about being too tired after a long day of work or getting clit-blocked because my kid keeps walking into the room. This is haywire body chemistry messing up my mojo and darn it all, it’s the absolute pants!
I like sex. And while The Man of Mans is totes supportive, actively reassuring me that there’s no pressure from his end , I’m pretty sure he also likes sex. I want to want to have sex. I miss wanking and make-outs. I miss quiet stealth fucking on weekend mornings while The Bean watches cartoons. I miss being horny.
This week I saw my shrink. I lamented my failure to fix my problem. She reminded me that anxiety isn’t something I can fix. Sometimes life is a little busier, a little more stressful and it can trigger an anxiety flare up. It’s not awesome, but for me that’s it’s normal. I can’t make it go away. But I can choose how I deal with it.
That was some empowering advice right there. It also took some of the pressure off. I don’t have to try and not be anxious. I just have to decide what I want to do when I am. That’s where the guidance piece comes in.
Clearly I’ve got some fundamentally wackiness happening in my brain. I already know that certain substances, namely caffeine, will reliable trigger spectacular and debilitating panic attacks. Lately I’ve been wondering if there other foods/substances that exacerbate my anxiety. Conversely, I wonder if there are foods that can help reduce some of my symptoms…maybe even jump start my sex drive again.
You peeps are a smart, smart gang. I’m sure many of you know far more about nutrition than I do. I wonder if any of you are willing to share any insights, information or experiences you have about eating and the affect it’s had on your physical and/or mental health. Granted food, health and bodies are uber-personal topics, so no pressure to respond. If you do want to reply but you’d prefer to comment anonymously or send me an e-mail, that would be wonderful as well. Just having people read this is an act of support in and of itself, so anything else you offer me is gravy on the mashed potatoes.
Hmmm…does gravy help anxiety?
I have no answers right now. Just questions to explore, a heart that’s beating too quickly and the comfort of knowing this is all normal Nadine. Eventually the flood of stress hormones will recede and (fingers crossed) a tidal wave of fun, sexy hormones will take their place. Maybe, just maybe, there’s something I can do to help that process along.