The Man of Mans and I have a sexually/romantically monogamous relationship, which means that when other people proposition me for romance and/or sex it’s no dice. I typically decline with some variation of the one of the two following two phrases:
A: Sorry. I’m not interested.
B: Sorry, but I’m married.
I tend to use A in situations when I’ve been put off in some way. Take the other night…
I was walk to the bus when someone shouted at me from across the street, “Hey! Hey, Girl! Come here I want to tell you something,” When I looked over and shook my head, they raced over and cut me off mid-stride demanding “What’s up, girl! I just wanted to talk you, see if you wanted to hang out or whatever.”
Sorry. Strangers yelling at me and blocking my way make me massively uncomfortable. Being called “girl” kind of peeves me – and I while can get past it under certain circumstances – in conjunction with street hollas and physical domination it’s a deal-breaker. No judgement of those who dig that type of come-on but it’s not my style at all. “Sorry, I’m not interested, ” I told him abruptly. Because I wasn’t. It had nothing to do with my marital status and everything to do with my negative feelings about the person in front of me.
Flashback to another incident, a couple of years ago. Again, I was sitting alone, riding the streetcar in Toronto (apparently I’m at my most alluring on public transit). I made eye contact with a fellow passenger, who waved and smiled. A moment later they streetcar lurched over to me and said, “Hi,” and introduced themself. So I introduced myself.
“Is it okay if I hang out over here?” they asked.
“Sure,” I replied.
Then we small talked about where we were going and the book they were reading. I mentioned that I was craving a smoothie.
“There’s actually a really great smoothie place a few blocks from here,” my new found companion told me, “This might be weird, but I’ve got time. We could go together, if you want.”
“Oh. On a date?” I asked.
“Yeah. Is that cool?”
“It’s totally cool and I totally would if I weren’t married, but I am married so I can’t. Sorry…but thanks!” I said. ‘I’m smooth like that.
My streetcar buddy was super-nice about it and we continued our conversation for a few more stops, until I got off and we parted ways. But again I meant what I said. My monogamous married-person boundaries were the only reason I didn’t accept that smoothie date is because of my relationship I’m a sucker for gentle people and good manners. Had I been single, I would have gone all Streetcar Named Desire on that situation!
But enough about me. What about you? Do you respond differently to different types of come ons? Are there approaches that are guaranteed to either peak your interest or put you off entirely?