A friend once told me the story of a dude he knew who bought a new, very large pick up truck. He drove it to a family function and when Dude pulled up to the driveway fairly busting with pride at the splendor of his mighty vehicle, his brother immediately remarked.
“Nice truck. Sorry about your penis.”
I lauged when I heard this story. I’ve retold it at parties and I laughed some more because Ha ha! WITTY and also, BA-ZINGA! I have a vulva and drive a Prius, so it’s funny because it isn’t me.
But a recent letter from an anonymous reader got me thinking about the larger implications of a seemingly harmless joke.
On behalf of men everywhere, someone needs to say this.
Size does not matter.
My current lover, has, quite frankly, a below average sized dick. He told me before we even got naked. It has been a source of low self esteem in the bedroom department for him.
Low self-esteem? That’s not funny. It is however, understandable, given the derision and scornful humour that small penises and the people they’re attached to endure. After reading this letter, I was ready to GO with some prime cuts of righteous indignation about how slagging the less endowed WRONG and MEAN and people need to cut it the fuck out. Which is all true. Mean people suck. But so do hypocrites. So no rant today, but rather an apology to penis-having people of all genders:
Making fun of people’s bodies is not okay. It’s especially not okay to make fun of people’s gentials. Our society tends to treat the our sexual bits as secretive and somewhat shameful. The last thing anyone needs is the additional sting of someone laughing at their nether business.
It also isn’t cool to perpetuate the notion that masculinity not only depends on having a penis, but said masculinity depends on having a penis of a certain size and anything less is an insurmountable deficiency.
I’m guilty of both transgressions. I’m sorry.
This part of the letter forced me to consider why I’d found the pick-up truck story funny in the first place:
When we have sex…..zOMfG. I have NEVER had a constant orgasm with a lover before. It was unearthly. I have never gotten any pleasure from being on top, but he has me in a constant state of pleasure the moment we copulate.
Here’s the shitty thing about my joke and the fact that I laughed at it and told it to other people. It reinforces the flawed notion that tere are certain types of bodies that are just better for sex, than other; that certain people, by virtue of their of physique, have a greater right to sexual pleasure.
Fresh out of the oven wrongcakes!
Society abounds with rigid ideas about “sexiness” and the human package it comes in. Small cocks, perhaps more than any other body part are (pardon the pun) double-penalized on both looks and functionality. But the truth is that sexy is in the eye of the beholder and our ability to give and receive sexual pleasure has no relation to the size of what’s happening between our legs. Our wise anonymous letter-writer says it best:
i’m not saying all small dicks are magical and all big dicks are overrated. I’m saying that the man makes the dick work. The person attached to the dick is the one who controls the thrust, the action, the pace, the pheromones, the passion.
I recently saw a movie where a character maligned his friend’s Prius by saying, “I literally feel like I’m driving around in a vagina.” It wasn’t funny. Because that kind of is me. So why am I dishing it out if I can’t take it?
Anonymous is right and I was wrong. The size of a truck has nothing to do with the size of a cock and the size of a cock has nothing to do with a person’s skillz of sex and awesomeness. I apologize for pertuating stereotypes and poor humour. I resolve to be kinder (and funnier) from here on in.