An anonymous reader wrote me the following letter:

I recently went on a blind date set up by friends. I had a great time and we even ended our date with a lovely, gentle kiss and promise to get together soon. I’m looking forward to getting to know the person better and sees what comes of it.

In the past few years of single-dom I’ve had a few “flings” and all of them were the result of an immediate animalistic magnetism that struck both of us. While this person is not at all unattractive, I wouldn’t have locked eyes with them across the room per se – they didn’t grab me in the way my flings have. Do you think this has any impact on our coupling?

Let’s dive headlong into this quandary and assess this situation. I personally haven’t had the chance to blind-date but I imagine it’s a pretty daunting situation rife with all the nerves and mild sweating of a normal first date, plus the added anxiety of meeting a stranger. So the fact that you:

a) had a great time

b) kissed

c) want to see this person again

all speak to a pretty rockin’ first encounter.

As for the flingy feelings? I think it’s too soon tell what effect (if any) that will have on your sexual attraction in the long term. Quick-shot lust can be a heady experience what with the flaming loins and all. And there’s nothing wrong with a fling if that’s how everyone involved wants to roll. But passion isn’t a now or never kind of thing. Just because you don’t want to rip someone’s clothes off after the first date, that doesn’t mean it never will.

There’s a fair amount of evidence to show that attraction often develops as a result of familiarity. You may not have fireworks in your pants right now but something may develop if you spend more time with this person.

I also think it’s worth mentioning that there is a difference between not having strong feelings of desire for someone and finding a person undesirable. The former is the absence of feeling, which could potentially change over time. The latter is the presence of a feeling and that feeling is, “Step away from the nethers!”

So my advice, Anonymous, is to go with your gut. You want to see this person again – go for it!  Hang out, have more fun and kissing if you’re feeling it. Get familiar with this person and in time you’ll know if this is person is destined to be a friend, a fling or someone more significant.

What say you readers?  Have you felt the surge of animal lust? Ever had a great romance get off to a slow start? Can passion develop over time or should it be there from the start?  The comment section is yours, so have at it!

Comments

  1. nick2401 says:

    When Michelle and I went on our first date it was a quiet affair. We had only known each other for a few weeks.We went to lunch, the Bytown museum, and a walk by the Canal. Afterwards she was going to the movies with friends and I had a rehearsal to get to. We hopped on the same bus and when I had to get off a quick hug. ( maybe a kiss on the cheek? I am fuzzy on that) I thought she was a nice girl and we might have a few more dates but nothing more… That was 7 months ago and we are a couple and the passion has followed.

  2. lindabedford says:

    When Chris and I first met in University he was actually pursuing a friend of mine. Things didn’t work out between them but we remained friends. It wasn’t until we spent much time together that the attraction kicked in.
    10 years later and we’re married with a beautiful baby boy, so I’d say the passion followed!

  3. Jenn says:

    Insta-lust is a great high. It’s like crack!! But having tried twice to turn it into a marriage, I can attest that the slow build may be the smarter way to go.

    • nadinethornhill says:

      Hi Jenn. Thanks for commenting and sharing your thoughts on the matter.

      The prevailing opinion here seems to be that passion doesn’t need to be present right off the the top – it can develop over time. Conversely, do you think that lust-at-first-sight makes it difficult to form a long term relationship – assuming of course, that’s what the people involved ultimately want.

  4. Rachel says:

    Peter and I met in college when we were both dating other people, and funny thing is we both thought we hated eachother for awhile. We hung out in the same group of music/theatre people, went to the same bars, did the same extra curricular activities (band geeks) and got to know each other a bit but nothing in detail.

    Both had breakups and were in the school bar one night and ended up hanging out because neither of us knew anyone else in the bar. Alot of drinks and some heavy lonely flirting later we ended up having a drunken romp that night… I have 4 years into that relationship now :)

    Point is (very heavy) passion can follow even when two people think they hate eachother.

  5. Rachel says:

    So a enjoyable easy first date definitely can have passion in the (near) future 😛