couple of weeks after my first burlesque performance, The Man of Mans and I had a meeting with The Green Bean’s teacher to discuss some issues with classroom shenanigans.
It was a productive conversation, but as the teacher recounted The Bean’s random acts of hooliganism, a thought began forming in the back of my brain.
I wonder what this nice teacher would think, if she knew you took your clothes off in public. She’d probably think The Green Bean is acting out because you’re a bad mother.
Crap. I’d had boarded the I’m A Bad Mother Train.
The Bad Mother Train train travels along dark, seemingly endless route with stops that include Self-Doubtsville and Big Guilt City. Once I get on, there’s nothing I can do but ride it out, while my black thoughts stoke the engine’s fires
Nadine, you’re a disgraceful mother. Look at you – with your smutty writing and your non-stop jawing about sex. And to top it off you’ve started swinging your tits about in public!
You don’t even have a noble excuse! You’re not pole dancing to pay for your kid’s college education. You’re strip teasing for your own exhibitionist pleasures! You’re selfish! Mother’s are not supposed to be selfish!
Your mother wasn’t selfish. Your mother was committed to doing what she believed was best for you and you alone. She put aside her own desires and wishes. Instead you became her main source of pleasure and pride. Mothers are supposed to derive satisfaction from their children, not from dancing the hootchie-koo.
Of course, for all of her dedication and propriety, your mother raised a daughter who grew up to dance the hootchie-koo. Which is lots of fun and kind of cool, but probably not something ever she envisioned for you.
She loved, she cared for you, but ultimately those sacrifices didn’t benefit you. And they certainly didn’t mold you into the type of person your mother expected you to be. But that’s just fine — you’re happy being a self-focused weirdo who goes pantsless in public. And that makes your mom happy…because she loves you.
Just like you love The Green Bean. No matter what mistakes you make, or how unconventional your choices, your kid has a mother who loves him. Talk to his teacher, deal with his rascality and then keep right on twirling your tassles. In the end, he’ll also probably also be just fine.
And just like that, the engine ground to a halt. I grabbed my baggage and got off The Bad Mother Train.