This week has been cold-ass cold! As a woman of island ancestry my instinct is to hibernate when the mercury takes a nose dive and keep warm by any means necessary. Fortunately I have central heating, a stock of herbal tea and lustful fantasies of secret celebrity crushes to keep me warm.
Secret celebrity crushes were very popular amongst my old blog gang on LiveJournal. I’m not sure what the “secret” was – we discussed our all lust-worthy luminaries openly and often. Nonetheless celebrity crushes are hot fun on cold days, so I thought I would share a few of mine.
5. Steve Carrell
I’ve definitely have a thing for nice, normal guys. Exhibit A: The Man of Mans. Exhibit B: Steve Carrell, who seems like the nicest, most normal celeb on the currently on the A-list roster. And I didn’t appreciate it until the season four premier of The Office, but Mr. Michael Scott has a pretty solid body under his ladies’ suits. Nice guys tend to be considerate, well-mannered and very committed to giving good head. Based on his red carpet interview, Carrell seems to fit the profile nicely.
4. Jian Ghomeshi
Jian Ghomeshi is like the cool guy in my high school that I could never talk to, only lust for from afar. Except instead of being the cool guy in my high school, Jian Ghoemshi is the coolest guy in Canada! And he’s the best kind of cool guy – a geek-cum-cool guy, who used to lay down nerdalicious beats as part of Moxy Fruvous. Now he’s all cute-ified and rappin’ about the zeitgeist with the most enviable guest roster on FM radio. It’s unlikely I’ll every find myself in his real-life studio, but in my fantasy the two of sit down for many a blush-inducing interview!
3. Zoe and Wash
This is fantasy Inception-style, where I go a layer deep into fantasy. Zoe and Wash are my favourite fictional couple from Firefly, one of my favourite fictional shows. It’s five hundred years in the future and adorkable Browncoat aims to do some misbehavin’ as the meat in a Wash/Zoe sandwich!
2. Kate Winslet
I adore Kate Winslet as an actor. I admire her personal style. I think she has a gorgeous face and her smart, sharp humour in interviews makes me suspect she’d be a great Saturday night dancing companion. but in secret celebrity crush land, it’s all about the body! Specifically, the phenomenon I call Kate Winslet’s Boobs! The sketching scene in Titanic is the first and only time I’ve felt the urge to motorboat someone. The image of my face nestled between Kate Winslet’s Boobs has kept me piping hot on many a cold, winter’s day.
Which brings us to…
1. Stephen Colbert
The one. My ultimate secret celebrity boyfriend. He Who Is Known As Uber-Crush. Let’s take stock, shall we?
- Classic middle-aged dude good looks: Check.
- Perfect teeth: Check.
- Impeccably tailored sutis: Check.
- Writer, performer and the ability to make political satire his bitch: Check.
- Signature spectacles that set my heart and my loins a-flame? Check.
Yes, Stephen Colbert is 5’10” of pure fantasy perfection. He’s the fantasy I save for darkest days of winter. When the mercury is at its lowest, Uber-Crush and I get up on that C-shaped desk and do all the things!
I shared my secret crushes – feel free to share yours. Is there a famous someone you like to canoodle with in the deepest recesses of your brain?