Dear New Year’s Eve Party Guests,

We all make mistakes. We all do things we regret.  I made a mistake and I regret it. I offer you my sincerest apology and offer the following story by way of explaination.

Several weeks ago I was browsing in a local thrift store, when a fetching jersey knit wrap dress caught my eye.  I plucked it from the rack and headed for the changing cubby!  Guests, it was love at first sight!  It was comfortable, flattering, criminally affordable and most importantly…not pants. My mind begin racing as I compiled a mental list of Opportunities To Wear New Dress.  My New Year’s Eve party was third on the list behind “Dancing” and “Semi-formal Log Rolling Event”.

Fast forward to the last night of the year. The wine was chilling, the food was cooking and the lot of you were on your way. I was getting myself dolled up for the evening. I put on the dress. I checked myself in the mirror. I did the obligatory pre-party shimmy to make sure my boobs were securely in place. And then I came downstairs satisfied with my attire.

Party Guests, I admit…I was negligent. I knew the dress had a slit…a long slit. I saw in the change cubby when I first bought the dress. I admired it in my bedroom mirror before the festivites began. I knew the chances of thigh-flashing were high, but I’ve never been opposed to showing leg flesh! I didn’t think.  My love for the dress  addled my brain, so that in all my preening I forgot one of my sacred rules for trying on clothes:

Sit down.

Had I sat down in the change room, in my bedroom or at any point before the party, I would have realized that the aforementioned slit goes up to my pelvic bone! And I would not have assaulted most (if not all) of your eyes, by inadvertently flashing my unmentionables.

There is a time for underpants and there is a time to keep it covered and maybe take your dress to a tailor or at the very least use some strategically placed pieces of fabric tape. I’ve been wearing clothes all my life (except for one, very unusual day…). I should know the difference.

Again, I am so sorry. The dress is question is already slated for a modesty refit. Meanwhile I hope you can forgive me and return to my home again soon, secure in the knowledge that next time my underwear will stay under there.

Yours contritely,



  1. Nat says:

    Were the unmentionables at least pretty?

    • nadinethornhill says:

      Not “pretty” in the lacy, frilly sense. I tend to favour pretty basic underpants for the non-burlesque parts of my life. But they were clean. And co-ordinated with some of the accent colours in the dress!

  2. rpriske says:

    Now I feel like I missed out… and I was there!

    I never saw and inadvertent flashing…. but I will say that you looked hot!


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